Soulmark
by Shirotani
Summary: 'I'm sorry, but you need to quit skating.' these words were enough to kill him inside out. It had been written in their stars, they had been meant for each other. Yuri Katsuki your regular figure skating ace and Victor Nikiforov, the god amongst gods. Little did they know what fate had in store for them as they will slowly fall in bitter sweet love. SoulmateAu/IllYuri/BL
1. Chapter 0 - when we started

**Hello everyone, nice to meet you guys, I'm shirotani and welcome to my first YOI fanfics~  
First things first, to those that are reading my other stories too (hopefully there are some) 2k16 wasn't exactly the best year for me... **(≡人≡；)  
 **As in I'm glad it's over! I'll be continuing some of my unfinished stories, but have decided to delay them some more for now in favor of this fanfic... And no worries I already wrote at least 9 chapters for this fanfic that still need lots of editing, but they are here so definitely will be updated soon!**

 **BTW thanks for reading this cheesy stuff in advance and no worries it will be a little different from the other soulmate Aus.  
Thanks already for those supporting me and have fun reading~~ **(ノ_．)

 **Disclaimer obviously don't own this series (sadly enough)**

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 **Prologue**

The question would be, when did it appear and where did it start? Had it been there when the earth started turning around the sun or had it started when Eve took that one bite from the forbidden apple.

The answer was simple it had been there since the beginning of time, a mysterious intervention of God is what many liked to say. It was strange yet always felt so natural and just so right. There was no science to it, no prove or anything else. It was like debating the existence of a god itself, an unending battle.

That moment when the first cries of a newborn made its way into the world and they saw the light. A new world in which they would surely find it no matter what circumstances, their very own soul mark.

A special mark on their body, a mark that would only receive a real meaning once they were completed. Completed in this world could mean only one thing, the moment when two soulmates bind together for the first time. It might sound cheesy and really like any overused plot written by some teenager desperate for some romance, but really that's just how the world worked like.

If it was a blessing or a curse, it all depended. As they liked to say 'case by case'. This was a gift given by the gods and could be either turned into something unexpected as some might have experienced.

However everyone was different. Either they were born with a soul mark or would receive it on a later age. Most people would receive their soul marks before the age of five.

Flower drawings, animals, words, sentences really anything you could possibly imagine. Everyone however would have to at least carry one word. Something to identify their mates with and sometimes this mark would give miracles. Some would have to wait for years to be finally completed with one other person in the big world they lived in and others found each other within seconds. It was a torturous process to wait for the one person, it had always been and always will be.

These soulmates would be your anchor to this world and your other half, your significant other who you just couldn't live without with. Hearing about the actual significance of a soulmate, every child would start wondering where theirs were. Always looking for them whenever they could, waiting for a sign to come to them even if only subconsciously.

''Congratulations, Miss Katsuki! A healthy baby boy, what are you going to name him?'' the doctors put a just cleaned baby on Hiroko's chest and it seemed that the baby felt at ease within a mere seconds and the mother had fallen in love once again with the tiny life that was lying on her chest. ''Hello there Yuri.'' Hiroko coed the baby and gently caressed his little head with her fingers. ''Your name will be written with the characters 勇利 like courage. A beautiful name for a beautiful baby boy.'' Hiroko sighed in satisfaction as she held this tiny precious life close to her never wanting to let go of him already.

Katsuki Yuri had been born a healthy child, weight average and all senses perfectly intact as far as the doctors could see. The entire family had been esthetic with the arrival of their newest family member and immediately began doting on him. Even as a sister Mari had become attached to the little bundle of joy.

Daily doses of pleasure and happiness were a natural given within the family after having another member added to them.

Sounds of laughter always filled their warm house and of course little Yuri himself loved to play with his big sister and parents. It was one happy family.

But everything was going to get turned upside down after little five year old Mari came running into the kitchen in tears.

''Mommy! Mommy! Something is wrong with Yuu-kun! He won't stop crying!'' Mari ran to her mother in a panicked frenzy as she began tugging at her mother's apron like crazy. ''Mommy!'' She pulled at Hiroko at all her might who looked at her child in worry.

''What is it Mari? Calm down first.'' Mari began to cry as she and Hiroko hurried to the living room where they could hear Yuri crying too. Yuri had been around two months old, but his crying was abnormal. Surely his lungs weren't all that strong yet as a baby, but even Hiroko would notice how he would cry and glance around the room with glazed eyes. His cries sounded pained and the moment Hiroko put her hand on his head she gasped.

''Toshiya! Hurry get the car!'' everything from then on became a blur to the little family of four, at that moment three. Hiroko and Toshiya's baby had been taken by some nurses after finding out how high Yuri's fever actually was.

Mari had stopped crying, but Hiroko kept leaning onto her husband the entire time that they waited for news about their baby.

After two hours luckily a doctor appeared in the waiting room making several people shot up from within their chairs. But to their disappointment it had been the Katsuki family and not theirs, the Katsuki family pitied the other families waiting in the emergency room, but couldn't wait to hear about their youngest family member.

'' Well, your son's fever has gone down quite a bit already. But in any cases, fevers aren't favorable with children, as you might know, not when their bodies are still weak and vulnerable. We might need to keep him here at the hospital for extra observation since it was quite the fever he had.'' At that time both Hiroko and her little family had been relieved to hear that he was alright, but making him stay at the hospital on his own?

In the end it was decided Katsuki Yuri was to be put up for extra observation in hospital where either Hiroko or Toshiya would stay every night with him.

Forcing him to stay for months in the hospital. They found out that Yuri's muscles were underdeveloped and there was no hope for his condition improving much in his entire life to come according to some doctors, but the parents kept strong and held hope. Yuri still had lots to see and they weren't going to let his weak body stop him.

It was only later that the doctors found out that they entirely misjudged the situation and gave him a wrong prognosis. Hiroko and her husband had held onto that little bit of hope for their baby boy's recovery, however everything turned around in a whirling mess and devastation hit them both hard.

''I'm sorry, but your son has- , it seemed like we underestimated the situation of his fever and all the other symptoms. I can't apology for what a failure as a doctor I am.'' The married couple stood there next to each other with a mumbling Yuri in his little crib which was surrounded by many tubes and machines left and right.

''What are we going to do Toshiya?'' Hiroko looked at her husband, both deprived of probably any sleep these days. ''I really don't know, honey.'' They turned their eyes to look at their little boy who had been playing in delight with his older sister, both were giggling even if Yuri had been attached to some IV drips.

Yuri had been one-year-old exactly, but had never really seen the world outside. It pained the parents to a great extent and were ridden with guilt as they stared at their child surrounded with machines all around him making noises here and there.

''Yuu-kun? What is that on your belly?'' Yuri slapped on his belly in delight as he obviously didn't understand his sister's words yet.

Toshiya turned to Hiroko and they both leapt to their son and pulled up his shirt. ''Oh my goodness…'' Hiroko began tearing up and looked at her husband who held her hand tightly.

''Hiroko, I've come to the conclusion. We need to stay strong for Yuri, after all there is someone else who might need him here.'' He looked at the strangle letters on Yuri's hip and slightly touched it.

They were proud, their little Yuri had been blessed with the most beautiful pattern on his body that they had ever seen in the hospital Yuri and his mother stayed at.

A beautiful teal-ish blue that would lightly shine, colors and streaks over his hip and slightly reaching his belly. The thought of that picture being completed made the parents simply happy, because they now knew that great adventures were waiting on their son until he met his soulmate at least. But that had only been half of the entire picture of course. They would never be able to guess what was awaiting them at that moment.

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 **Come at me with those pitchforks I'm ready (actually lying and sweating in angst...)**

 **Don't ask me why I decided to write this, I'm just an angsty teenager writing some angst obviously haha... Anyways~ Please follow or comment or whatever~**

 **Shirotani out!**


	2. Chapter 1 - to stand we must first fail

**Hey guys, Shirotani's back~ Anyways thanks to everyone who stuck around and here's chapter 1! So um, yeah I'm not the best in describing child speech or whatsoever, but anyway enjoy, read and review ~ I'll try updating every one or two weeks FYI, oh AND HAVE YOU GUYS READ KUBO-SENSEI'S COMMENT VICTURI ARE SOULMATES SOMEONE PLZ CALL 911 FOR ME *cries out in joy***

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 **Chapter 1**

It was only when Yuri was four that he learned that there was another person in this world waiting for him, or at least they said so. He found out after his soulmarks started to tingle in an unpleasant way making him feel squirmy, nauseous and more importantly, sad beyond understanding.

That day flew by with Yuri having several tantrums and an outburst of tears at least every ten minutes.

His belly was hurting and like his mother had taught him he spoke the magic words. He rubbed over his soulmark that gradually began to warm up and spoke with a slight hiccup. ''Pain, pain fly away! Pwain pwain fwy away!'' his soft cries resounded through the house in the middle of the next where no one, but Yuri himself was awake.

Slowly, but gradually the pain ebbed away much to the boy's relief, sighing happily the boy quickly returned to his futon and threw the blankets as far over him as he could.

This was the first contact that resounded through the soulmark for both Yuri and his soulmate.

"Mommy! Daddy! I rubbed here and the weird pinch go away!" At first both parents had been confused as to what he had been indicating before Yuri pointed to his belly first thing in the morning. His soulmark was faintly shining and if you held your hand against it a faint pulsation could be felt through it. Toshiya put a hand on Hiroko's shoulder and rubbed it slightly before she finally let the dam break and tears started flowing out.

Toshiya and Hiroko looked at each other sweetly before Toshiya pulled his son on his lap. "Why is mommy crying? Does it hurt?" Yuri cupped his mother's face in both his little hands and looked at her sadly.

"No, mommy is just so happy for you Yuu-kun!" Hiroko had laughed and hugged her little boy closer to her softly combing her fingers through his yet black hair.

"You know who gave you that weird feeling? It must have been your soulmate!" Both adults held each other's hand and Mari had already sat down too wondering what it was about a soulmate.

"Mommy, what is a soulmate?" Yuri looked at his mother in wonder as she started to rub the back of her hand which was covered with some drawings on it and started explaining everything to her children from square one.

"Well, a soulmate is something like a best friend. Soulmates are connected by the thing like the red string of fate." Both children stared at the hand of their mother who began fiddling with the ring around her slender finger.

"They will treasure each other and even feel what the other is feeling. But the love isn't the type of love you and Mari have for each other or the one you have for mommy and daddy. It is even prettier than you can imagine." Yuri was squealing in delight as his father hopped his knee up and down bouncing Yuri up and down.

Both children hadn't understood much of it, but that didn't really matter for both of them nor their mother. What was important was that both of them knew that it was something so special that they should treasure it.

"So I will just be like mama and papa?" Mari questioned slightly tilting her head with a look filled with curiosity. "Who knows now." "That's not a real answer papa!" Mari had started pouting already while Yuri was still busy looking at his soulmark

"Like mommy and daddy sparkly!" He placed his hand on his soulmark and started giggling after a while. His soulmark had started giving him more strange feelings, this time pleasant however, in a way he hadn't experienced it yet.

"It's all warm and poofy!" really the lack of vocabulary made it hard to understand him, yet that made it all the cuter. All over his hip and majority of his belly were covered in teal, blue-ish stars. Each of them shining brightly and at last a word or phrase. No one knew since it was a foreign word.

"Mommy, when will Yuri meet my soulmate?" Yuri asked his mother with a sincere look on his face. "Someday, baby boy. Someday." From that moment on Yuri had made it a habit to ask this every day. Every day asking when and where they would meet and every time he would receive the same reply from his mother, 'someday'.

"How will my mate know who I am, mommy?" "What is their name?" little Yuri had started young with his new obsession, but strangely enough slowly started questioning things less the more he got to know. It was useless asking this question because they wouldn't find him. They'd both find each other.

Little did Yuri know that a long silver haired teen was already waiting. Waiting to meet the little Japanese boy, both didn't know however that they were both 3,627 km separated from their respective partners meaning they both would need to cross oceans and many hurdles before finally meeting one another.

 **Time skip 4 years**

I remember that very first time I saw him. I didn't see him in in real life in front of me though, the very first time I saw him it was on international TV. Within not even ten seconds in his performance did he take my breath away. The way he moved, he looked and most of all the way how he became one with the music. It took me in before I could even breathe again.  
He always managed to surprise me no matter what, adding in jumps, quads, outstanding scores, but most of all a performance that brought tears to my eyes.

I always adored him, the way his long silvery hair flowed in a very much so graceful motion whenever he glided across the ice. I would often feel my heart throb whenever I saw him, however it would only be later in life when I would find out what this feeling was. For now I would pass it off as simple adoration, after all he was my biggest idol.

"Mommy! I want to learn how to skate!" Yuri ran to the kitchen where his mother Hiroko was drying the dishes and jumped up and down to grab her attention. He himself would remember this day oh so well when he got older, it had been a rash decision, but it had all been worth it. "Huh, Yuri, aren't you supposed to be sleeping? Weren't you feeling dizzy?" Hiroko dried her hands on her pants as she made her way towards her hyperactive little boy who was quite out of breath, his face was entirely red and to be honest, it had the shape of a peach. Round and chubby. He was the cutest eight-year-old you would ever find in Hasetsu.

"Hm, seems that your fever still hasn't gone down. You should go back to bed, sweetie." Yuri stared at Hiroko with slightly dazed eyes as she softly held her baby's hand in her own and took the little boy to his own room to rest again, much to the boys own protest.

"But mommy! Victor was on TV! He went all like bwaah and zoom! And-And he was so pretty!" Yuri's eyes were literally shining with excitement as he told her all about Victor's latest performance and about how he wanted to be just like his favorite idol.

The family had even gone as far as to buy a poodle and name him Vicchan. He had really dedicated his life to that one person who captivated him at first sight. At first they really didn't know what to do with this new obsession of his but since he would never ask them for something before he had found out about Victor Nikiforov and figure skating they just relented and went with it. And who could resist those cute puppy eyes? That's right **no one**.

Later that night Hiroko and Toshiya both sat down together at the table, laptop and all with them after putting both Yuri and Mari to sleep. They both looked at each other lovingly, but both of them were getting worn out. Even if they put up an energetic face it was still all too hard at times.  
Hiroko sat down next to her husband and looked at him with a slight frown marring her face, "Dear, Yuri told me something today. It seems that he wants to learn how to skate…" She silently sighed and looked at her husband with worry present on both their faces. "I know he wants to, but is it really such a good idea? I looked online and it would be very hard on his body." It wasn't an old subject, really, since Yuri had already started begging to both of his parents months ago about wanting to skate.

Toshiya scrolled through the ice skating pages again and then just stopped. "Right." The wedded pair looked in silence at the computer screen as they frowned and scrolled through more ice skating sites. ''You know, he looked really happy when talking about that Victor. We could always consult with the doctor if he could go?'' Toshiya looked up at his wife before coming to an agreement to indeed do their best for it to happen.

And with that it had all been decided. Hiroko and Toshiya both took Mari and Yuri with them to the hospital the very next week. Since Yuri just got better from his fever he was still a little bit sluggish. "Mom, why do I also need to go to the hospital?" Mari looked at her mother in question who in return replied "Well, we are a family after all and family should always be there for each other." Mari glanced at her little brother and immediately knew what her mother had meant.

She herself had always been quite overprotective over Yuri. Yuri had been smaller than everyone his age and easily got bullied so she took care of him whenever she could. This was no different, everyone wanted for Yuri to be able to do something he actually wanted, instead of staying cooped up in house every day lying in bed with fevers and whatsoever.

"Ah, I see you brought your entire family this time Yuri?" Shimada sensei said, he had been Yuri's doctor since he had been an infant. A tall man in his early thirties and always had a huge sweet spot for little children. And everyone liked the doctor too. "So shall we start with some tests then?"

Time passed as everyone waited for the results anxiously, many things happened after that hospital meeting. And finally Yuri had gotten the doctor's permission to figure skate and with that years passed by in a flash. Meeting new people, like Yuuko, Nishigori and Phichit.

Skating brought miracles into Yuri Katsuki's world.

Believe it when Yuri said that he had fallen as many times as he had set foot on ice, but he had one thing others didn't. Time, Yuri had time to practice and I did practice like that with all his might.

He trained and trained, more and more until he would reach the top. Yuri had reached the GPF final stage, his dreams to meet his idol, to achieve something in life, everything was worth all the hard work.

Katsuki Yuri, finally set his first steps towards becoming a professional figure skater, Japan's national ace.

However everything wasn't meant to go as smooth as I had hoped to, in one single blink of an eye everything was destroyed.

 **"You need to stop skating, I'm sorry."** , "And Japan's skater Katsuki Yuri has fallen down again?!"

The bitter taste in my mouth, the bitter taste of loss.

In more than one way did I lose my battle, I had placed last in the GPF and wasn't even a match against all the other contestants. A crushing defeat, I had gotten my last chance and ruined it.

I remember how I desperately tried to climb out of the pit raising the amount of jumps in the program…but I never landed one. Triple Salchow, double Lutz everything, I came in last with a score less than half of the others. Every jump and quad alike turned into a single or a double at most, even the crowd just sat there in silence.

Sounds were drowned out by my brains thumping against the back of my skull. I could feel the pitying stares digging into my back but I just couldn't bring myself to look up as I collapsed to the ice in crushing defeat. It was frustrating, so frustrating.  
I felt numb, not aware of anything anymore as Celestino got me off the ice after a while and gave me something to drink with worried eyes asking me if I needed anything. He had known ever since day one. I wouldn't be able to skate anymore soon. My time on ice was limited and how frustrating it was.

Celestino slung the black jacket decorated with many logos of Japanese sponsors over my shoulders in attempt to warm me up as we both waited in the kiss and cry. My world had become cold and this time the mark on my body made no attempt to soothe this empty feeling inside. This time I was all alone.

"Yuri Katsuki, sixth place with a total score of 150 points. Fifth place –" the sound of soft clapping could be heard through the entire arena. But Yuri just sat there in silence with his face blank devoid of any emotions. But inside he was just like a tornado, his thoughts were all jumbled together in one big heap and his heart was slamming against his ribcage.

He ruined it, this year he would retire without a doubt. Phichit was ensured to take his place with Celestino and Yuri himself would just fly back to Japan as a dark shadow in the history of Japan's ice skating.

It felt like sinking in a black lake. The darkness didn't bother me, but it was so silent. No one was there only me. Just like always.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to the toilet for a second." Vicchan had died right before my turn, I wish I had been at least there for him. He had been with me since I had been eight-years-old, he had always been there for me to cheer me up when I was down and I just let him on his own for three years unable to witness his last days, I felt suffocating. Not only was the bitter taste of disappointment weighing down on me, but the unbearable guilt of leaving my companion behind was simply crushing my bones. Gravity intensified by ten and like my shoes were filled with lead.

"Yeah, hey mom, yes I'm alright." Lies it was all lies. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there for Vicchan." Words were exchanged as I sat there in the toilet stall. And before I noticed it tears were starting to stream down my face, I wasted my chances.

"I'm sorry mom, but I have to hang up. Say hello to everyone for me and I'll be back home soon."

 **"I'm sorry, Yuri, the results came in today, there's no way you can keep on skating like this. Any longer and you could seriously get injured I'm telling you now, just-"**

If I was silently sobbing at first then just now the dam must have broken down. I cried and cried, not wanting to stop, I wanted to skate, but what right did I have now?! My heart felt like bursting, my eyes were red and it already hurt to just breathe.

Someone, please. Even God, please someone save me. Breathing hurts. Moving hurts.

Living hurts.

My soulmark started burning desperately trying to ease the pain I was feeling right now, but nothing could help me right now, it was too late. I didn't need a figment of someone's feelings to help me when it did no such thing earlier. I needed someone, someone I could cry with, this burning longing for someone to feel at ease with finally. I couldn't feel my legs as they had become stiff and refused to budge any more.

 **Time skip**

Probably half an hour had passed and I could hear light tapping of shoes towards the toilets, just as I made my way out of the stall I was immediately trapped in a corner again?!

'Bang!' A foot kicked against the stall of the toilet I was sitting in and I could hear some angry grunts coming from the other side. Slowly I opened the stall after quickly wiping my tears and stood in front of the other person that had in the moment of anger probably also broken down the door of the toilet stall.

"I'm sorry, I'll be going right now!" Quickly I stepped out the stall only to be halted by a boy none other than Yuri Plisetsky?! What did the Russian child prodigy skater need from me? Did I maybe do something wrong? Without noticing I slightly started panicking and looked at the blonde boy with my mouth slightly ajar.

"There's no need for two Yuri's on this rink, you should just retire, idiot!" he kicked the wall next to my head once again and glared at me, however before he could continue where he had left of I scrambled away and ran to Phichit and Celestino. 'Since when were fifteen-year-olds this scary?!'

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 **So there you have it folks chapter 1~ From here on the real story will start! If anyone has any cheesy suggestions for shit I could put in the story please let me know, I'm a sucker for Omakes too, so that's either way soon bound to happen too~**

 **Well then people, Shirotani out~**


	3. Chapter 2 - road-trip through nostalgia

**Holla~ Shirotani here once again~**

 **Guess what day today is? Yup, I'm officially sixteen as of today, whoop whoop! *Feels responsibilities crushing spine* It's alright, everything will be fine…. *nervous laugh* Well I quickly edited this, so excuse me as I will be stuffing my face with cake like the teenager that I am.**

 **Have fun reading chapter 2 and thanks to those that followed/favorite/reviewed, it really makes my day even if the reviews aren't in English ;p**

 **Disclaimers: I only own the humongous amount of drama that's going to happen in here and am not a native English speaker lol.**

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 **Chapter 2**

Five devastating months had passed since my crushing defeat at the GPF, five full months of inner turmoil and most of all going back to binge eating in stress. After my loss my mentality took a blow and in the end I had lost all my matches during those five months. Katsuki Yuri had fallen down from heaven's grace.

I felt a sense of loss, something screaming inside me telling me that it was all my own fault, after all, I had given up. I stopped fighting. Like they say, you don't realize you had something until you've lost it. And what had been lost to me was a will to move on.

With that the skating season was finished in the blink of an eye already. Everything around me seemed to flow in a different time. Seasons had changed, contacts had been cut and plans had been ultimately changed.

I mean, by the time I had realized I had even shockingly managed to graduate from the university I was attending. I had been studying economy and globalization mainly for the past six years. I don't remember why I had ever picked up this course, however to my greatest luck it was one of the easiest studies to manage while also training abroad in Detroit for myself at least.

The flight in the plane had been a silent one. The sound of the engine, the blinking of the seatbelt signs. It was like I got caught in a vacuum, a very own small bubble. Closed off from the world on the plane. But I knew, after five long and tiring years, I was finally returning to Hasetsu with the plane I was sitting in.

After the plane had landed I instantly grabbed my luggage and slowly waddled between the enormous crowds of other passengers. Checking in and out must have taken at least a solid hour of two, really this airline was testing a man's limits with this.

After finally having checked out, I grabbed a bite and went to get a taxi with the speed of light. A yellow taxi, like mustard, no, it was just a dirty mix of mustard with cream color and it stung my eyes to look at its paintjob.

"Hello, I need to get to Hasetsu, please." The taxi driver had been an older man, at least over his fifties, with his grey hair and wrinkled face he looked at me and gave a big grin.  
"Of course, get in! Get in!" I opened the port and stepped inside the vehicle. The ride had been silent and verbal contact was avoided mostly by me of course. There was some small talk here and there, but after a while there was nothing to really talk about anymore. The elder man seemed uncomfortable at the silence at first, but driving did him good apparently so he immediately got used to it and just kept on driving and driving, moving closer to Hasetsu with a slow pace of sixty kilometers per hour.

"Well, here we are.'' It was a short two hour drive to Hasetsu, he had dropped me off at the outskirts of the city so I would have to take the train further to reach Yu-topia.

"Thank you, here's the money." He waved me off and quickly drove to his next destination whilst I stumbled across a familiar looking sign and walked towards it.

'Train station Hasetsu' it said, the blue board with white letters that began to fade, so I simply took the stairs down and waited for the first train to depart.

 **Time skip**

Many things had changed. The old stairs had become escalators, the old cement walls had been painted in vibrant colors and new faces passed by with each passing second. I turned around to take a good look of everything around me…. only to be met with something far more embarrassing than anything else I could have ever imagined…

"Eh?! Since when?! Why are there these huge posters of me here?!" I found myself hanging on the walls of the station, but what was more laughable about it, was the fact that it was the me pre losing the GPF. Meaning that…that I didn't have a 'tiny' belly. Meaning I was quite out of shape at the moment?

Some people started whispering and pointing towards me, awe present in their eyes. Or so I hoped it was and I could already feel the amount of incoming gossip in this part of town.

"Oh, Yuri~! Welcome home~!" Okay so a lady with brown long hair awaited him and held out a banner with his name on it…Totally didn't get the attention of an entire crowd, totally not inconspicuous.

'Minako-sensei! Shit have to hide!' Sadly enough before Yuri could even manage to run away had he already been caught by a pale hand with literally the perfect nails to die for. "You think you can run away from me? You're a hundred years too early!"

"Isn't that Katsuki Yuri?" someone whispered, "Who? You mean the skater? There'd be no way." Another one joined in.

'Sadly enough it was true, my name is Katsuki Yuri… After having gotten into a slump I had failed even the nationals and here I am now… Returning to my hometown after five years.' Is what I wanted to tell them, but really I wanted to cry out loud right now, for God's sake.

"Come on, I came to pick you up Yuri. You at least have to greet your fans now!" Minako grabbed my right ear and started pulling with the force of a gorilla, sometimes I wondered if she had really been a ballerina. I awkwardly started shaking everyone's hand, little toddlers, young teens, elderly, heck someone even asked me to sign their…let's not go into that topic right now…  
Even though I heard them whispering about not actually knowing who I was, really I was starting to sweat at the awkwardness.

"So who were again?" 'Well what to expect from the elderly?' I thought awkwardly as I had to shake the hand of another elderly lady.

Another day had passed and I got back to Yu-topia, my save haven as I would like to call it. It was like a boulder had been pushed off of my back by the environment around me, and it felt heavenly beyond believe. The feeling of finally being able to breathe again.

But as the heavens liked to have their ways with me, I was damned to be thrown in another loop of anxiety attacks most likely, within the next twenty-four hours.

 **Twenty-four hours later (lol)**

You know when people say that everything goes slower when it hurts more? Well, I guess it applies differently for me. Everything went by in a flash, spacing out every day, eating and bathing. Repeat cycle. Eat, bathe and lie down. Eat, bathe and lie down. Copy paste, it was like my entire days was just copy pasted over and over again.

Really there was nothing which changed except for my body though and that meant weight wise. I had been drastically been losing weight once I came back home. The amount of snack had decreased and stress eating had stopped, luckily.

"Yuri, it's time to go to the hospital remember? Didn't I promise to take you today?" And here came change storming into my room without knocking. Mari looked at me unfazed as I was being my usual self and had just lost track of time once again.

We walked in a comfortable familiar silence that neither of us dared to break. The same white walls, smell of sanitizer and the pure feeling of alienation. We entered the white pristine building that was familiar, like the back of my hand, I knew it that well.

"Hello, we're here to meet doctor Shimada." The nurse looked at us begrudgingly and then back to the computer in front of her. "Name?" Mari narrowed her eyes in disdain at the apparently new nurse and clicked her tongue, "Katsuki."

After a few seconds of scrolling through the computer database she finally gave us the room number and dismissed us without bating a single eyelash, simply continuing with her boring tasks. Truly, the people working here were at times even more like the walking dead than most of the patients at the hospital.

"Well then, Yuri, I'll be waiting here for you." Mari stopped walking once we reached the waiting room. "Alright, I'll be back soon, Mari-nee." Mari looked at me silently as I made my way into room 3. I came to a halt in front of the door and raised my hand to the door knob, the air felt heavy, like my shoes were made out of lead. My body was obviously screaming in protest, 'don't move! Don't enter!'

But I had no such choice. I ignored my own body in protest, the door knob felt cold to touch as I pushed it down and opened the door. "Shimada- sensei? It's me, Yuri." A man around his forties turned to look at me before a hint of recognition shone in his eyes.  
"Yuri! It's been a while now hasn't it?" The man named Shimada Takahito stood up from behind his desk and gave me a warmhearted pat on the back.

"I saw you in the GPF, you've come so far I see." He looked at me with a certain fondness in his eyes. If I had to say so, I didn't hate this man, quite contrary to be exact. I was also very fond of this man in whose care I had been for many years, I just hated this very building and atmosphere looming here. And of all doctors and nurses I've known he's one of the only one without a rotten personality.

"I agree, thanks to your help." He rubbed his palm over my hair and patted my back fondly for a little while longer as I finally sat down so we could talk some more. This man was like a second father to me, not only to me, but to many others also. I could see so by the way his office had been decorated in many drawings from many children. Colorful bright pictures.

"So, what takes you here, Yuri?" He slowly clicked his pen a few times on his table and slicked back his half grey and black hair. "Well, my muscles have been feeling a little bit stiffer after the GPF and moving and all is just getting more tiring. I don't notice it all that much, but just in case." I slowly started running my thumbs across my hands tracing the lines on my palms, obvious to the tension that had started setting in the room.

"Well, like we advised you it might be better to retire for a while from competitive figure skating, however that's mainly because of the results we received from your doctor in Detroit. We still don't have data from our tests here, so there might be a chance that we're worrying about nothing major in particular. I take it you remember the regular procedure?" I nodded, slightly relieved at the fact that I didn't really have anything major to worry about, maybe.

"Well then, I guess we should start."

The first parts of the tests were always alright I would say, heck they were the best part of the examinations. I just had to stretch as far as I could and Shimada-sensei would just look at the development of my muscles. Next were the blowing tests, so we had to move our appointment to the department gifted with machines which would measure my lung capacity. It made me quite dizzy, but knowing the fact that the tests were still not over made me get a headache in all honesty.

"Must be tiring right?" Shimada-sensei looked at me letting me notice the wrinkles appearing in his face, time really took a toll on everyone. The first time I met Shimada-sensei must have been when I was just an infant or something around that time. Twenty or so more years had passed for this man and he was still in the same spot after all these years. Somehow it made me feel at peace, knowing that there would be things unchanged about this place, about Hasetsu.

"I'm fine."

Next tests wouldn't be as painless assured as the ones before…

These tests included needles piercing through my muscles extracting blood and afterwards there would be need for some tests which we wouldn't be able to just do in a normal hospital office. I quickly changed clothes and walked past the waiting room with Shimada-sensei, when we saw Mari again. I slightly waved at her as she and Shimada-sensei lightly nodded to one another. The two of them had gotten quite accustomed to one another especially since Mari often used to take care of me when I was younger.

We entered a big room with many surgical lights and people with surgical masks and entire outfit of the type of people you'd often see in series and other movies. The procedure contained me lying down on the table, asleep luckily. And then they would draw some bone marrow and cut of several pieces of bone which wouldn't be missed.

2 hours later I woke up. It took fifteen agonizing seconds to realize that I wasn't at home, and that I was all alone in a white hospital room in bed. But all I felt was one thing, empty.

 **One week later**

"Yuri hasn't been himself lately. I'm getting worried." Minako looked at her husband and daughter as they all knew that he had been through quite a lot lately, too much for himself to bear. However they couldn't do too much since they were too busy taking care of the onsen for multiple reasons. So they just cheered him up by making him katsudon and put on the TV for him.

He was prohibited from moving a lot since the tests they did with him strained his muscles, but technically he was allowed to move freely again.

So what did Yuri do at this time where he wasn't allowed to do anything? Yes, he would just look out of his window and do nothing.

"Yuri! Guess what day it is today?" Minako had entered his room slamming his door wide open together with Mari and turned on the TV.

"Um, Saturday?" They turned to look at him as fast as lightening, "Not wrong, but not right either." Mari looked at Yuri and then pointed towards the TV.

"Welcome, I'll be your presenter for tonight, Marooka at the yearly GPF gala! With Victor Nikiforov in first place he will start the gala with the song 'stay close to me'."

Yuri started gaping at the screen and then back at the two women as they quickly left once again after leaving some snacks for the Japanese male.

"Eeeh?! How could I've been so stupid?! I almost forgot to watch the gala…" Struck with horror Yuri moved as fast as he could closer and closer towards the TV screen and looked on in childish glee.

Swift movements, perfect step sequence and grace like no one else. Victor Nikiforov was skating to the song 'stay close to me'. Perfection within simply five minutes I had been once again taken. 'Stay close to me', I interpreted it as a song about a man too lonely and searching for that one person who he would finally feel connected to just like many others. Victor Nikiforov was human like no one else, and just like him was he looking for salvation. At least I had hoped so, for at least one second I imagined him to be just as humane as me. Imperfect, but deep inside I knew.

Victor Nikiforov was on a whole new level.

Before I knew it I felt a warm type of wetness on my cheeks, one I knew all too well. Tears, tears were flowing down my face as I looked at the performance on the TV. The way he moved his body, to his facial expression, he was one with the song. I grabbed my sleeve and started rubbing away my tears that were starting to cloud my vision. Soft hiccups left my mouth as I stared at the screen separating the two of us.

'Have you been abandoned too?' soft lyrics echoed as Victor skated, it might not have been for me, but it felt like he threw all the stress and my conflictions I had been feeling away. It was like his feelings were projected into my very being and it shook me to my very core.

My heart clenched in a strange type of feeling I had never felt before. He was an enigma, he brings light to my darkness, yet too far for me to reach.

"Thank you, thank you so much." Warm salty fat tears rolled down my cheeks and dropped onto the ground. They were warm, but not as warm as the gently touch of another human, I wondered, was Victor also this warm?

"I can't stay lazy like this…"Realization struck down on me and set on a reaction to a fire, it burned. The following days I studied Victor's routine like a madman, but no one stopped me. And finally after another week made my way to the ice skating rink once again.

"Yuuko, can I borrow the rink today?" Yuuko Nishigori, she was also nicknamed the prima donna of Hasetsu. She was gentle and Yuri couldn't deny the fact that he might have had a slight crush on her when he was younger, but quickly noticed that they weren't meant to be when he saw that Nishigori and Yuuko's soul mark matched. It had all been a matter of admiration and brother, sisterly affection too, so he didn't mind it too much.

'Stay close to me', Yuri knew the entire routine without thinking about it too much. His movements might have been sloppy and stiff, but he managed to pull everything off.

Yuri Katsuki had always been known for his interesting and fast step sequence that managed to pull anyone into his performance. So when Yuri started skating on Victor's routine Yuuko had been enraptured in his performance and immediately began to tear up.

'Have you been abandoned too?' a perfect line for me, has fate abandoned you too?

Sweat started gathering on my head as I became out of breath, my stamina never had been all that great either. But even so I managed to skate Victor's routine without falling down this was my way in being connected to the Russian skating god, I felt it. I felt liberated for even if only one second, I wasn't alone. This song carried someone inside them as I kept on skating and turning, making spins, quads and kept up with the intense routine. Losing myself in the song, on the ice. Anything just to make myself forget my pitiful state I was in.

Like a storm had passed and finally all of my thoughts had been sorted, clearer.

"That was amazing Yuri-kun!" Yuuko started applauding me as Nishigori and her kids appeared from god knows where. "Yo, Yuri, I see you gained some weight?" Nishigori held me in a headlock and started pocking my 'little belly' jokingly as we all lightly teased one another.

The triplets began joining in, their devilish grins however pocking at my conscious the entire day, even into the night.

The next morning I might have found out why the triplets were looking at each other devilishly. ''I'm so, so, so sorry Yuri! The kids took a video of you and uploaded it online!'' and that was literally all it took to make me faint in all honesty.

It started but a mere 15 or so views, but knowing the triplets fifteen views turned into thousands quick enough. "Yuri! What is this?!" Minako stormed into my room and showed me her phone and nope, the amount of views wasn't only a thousand anymore… 'Dear god somewhere in the world! What it this?!' and with that I collapsed from the shock like any sane person would.

Across the world many people were going crazy with this unknown sensational internet skater. Ironically though, since he had already been in the GPF once. There was nothing he could do about his lack of presence or the mental breakdown that made people want to forget about the Japanese skater… Or so he told himself many and many times over and over again.

He even got a call from Phichit who was acting all betrayed by Yuri and reassured him that nothing was wrong with him and everything was going to be alright.  
Yes, everything was going to be alright! If Phichit said so then it must be going to be alright!

What would surprise Yuri even more that night would be the fact a poodle he didn't know tackled him to the ground and his father told him that a handsome foreigner was in the bath outside. Yuri had ran with all his might, still sore from his doctor's appointment, to the bathing area. With some slipping here and there he finally made it to the spacious outdoor bathing space.

With little hesitation he stormed into the bathing area and saw it, that foreigner was THE Russian ice skating legend Victor Nikiforov, in his bath…. BUTT NAKED.

Butt…Naked?

''Vi-Victor…in my family's…A-And he's naked…Butt- coach…wait- what?'' Yuri stammered and just looked like a deer at headlights at the living legend. Like all the air got knocked out of him he kept staring and became even more of a sputtering mess. His hands shook, real badly and really standing was not a thing he was capable of doing.

'Oh, there's such a thing as gravity.' He thought while he slowly slid down on his knees in shock and held his hands in front of his face trying to calm down his breathing.

"Hello, Yuri! From today on I'll be your new coach~." And that would have probably been the second time in a short while, that I, Katsuki Yuri, had collapsed from multiple heart attacks caused by my new coach, Victor Nikiforov.

* * *

 **Sooooo, that was chapter 2! Hope you guys enjoyed it! Really editing is annoying… *whispers* especially when you still need to study for that French and Biology quiz for tomorrow... Well, have a good day or night wherever you guys live and thanks to those continue reading this story.**

 **-Shirotani out**


	4. Chapter 3 - feeling the tides change

**Ciaossu! Shirotani is back with another chapter~ Thanks to those that followed, favorited or reviewed! I really appreciate you guys!**

 **Sorry for the slightly delayed chapter, it's been quite the busy week… performances, tests (fucked up) blablabla *grabs gun***

 **Yuri: Wait! You can't! If you're gone who's gonna finish this crappy story then?**

 **Me: Oh fuck…You're totally right…**

 **yuri: You're going to spare me in this story right?**

 **Me: To be honest with you baby, I really don't know. I'm just some random average angsty teen, this won't end well I think…**

 **Yuri: Well shit….**

 **Me: Yup….**

 **This chapter will be more of a filler with some comedy in it. Just to take a breather from the drama/upcoming drama…. No worries I'll fuck up your feeling soon again…but lets keep the fillers for the sake of the flow of the story *sweat drops***

 **Disclaimer: I only own my own bullshit lol.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

"What?! Living ice skating legend Victor Nikiforov is at your inn?!" it was at around 8 pm that Minako decided to barge into Yu-topia while everyone, meaning Yuri, was still panicking about Victor's sudden appearance.

Exactly another two hours had passed since Yuri fainted hardcore at the onsen from possibly an overload of Victor's, um…'scandalizing' appearance. At least in the eyes of Yuri, since most men felt quite blessed upon seeing a handsome Russian foreigner pretty much naked in bath with them. Bonus, he got a great butt according to many. (A/N love u too censorship 3)

Victor Nikiforov, in Japan, wanting to be Yuri's coach. Well, let's say Yuri's brains were done for the next month and a half. The Russian ice skater he had come to adore over the years was at his home, the one he called his god and idol. Ice skating legend, Victor Nikiforov was a human being with flesh and bones like any other human.

While Yuri was still busy processing everything that transpired in the past hours, Victor was just lying there on the ground in his poorly worn yukata in a deep slumber. Minako violently twisted her neck towards both professional figure skaters, before running to Yuri. She started shaking him violently in the Minako style and slapped his cheeks till they were red and swollen. She herself wasn't in the best mental condition either considering she was also quite the ice skating fan herself.

"Yuri! Answer meeeeee! come back to earth! What in the name of the ice skating gods is a living legend doing here?!" the ex-ballerina shook her student some more and whined for some extra attention from him while Yuri himself was still in a daze far, far away. Anywhere but at the situation that was unfolding right in front of him.

A soft grunt was heard from the direction of the living god. He softly stirred around, letting his hair that covered his entire face fall slightly to the side. They knew the man was the famed number one most wanted bachelor, but seeing him in real life made everyone turn to him in slight awe.

"Hachoo! Hm, hungry~" Victor stared sleepily at Yuri's face and snapped the younger lad out of his mental state of shock with just one slight brush of his fingertips against Yuri's shoulder.

"Victor!" Yuri started stumbling over his words and grabbed Minako who was also awe struck like everyone else, except for the elderly Katsuki couple. "Food?" Victor stared at Yuri with the biggest puppy eyes he could muster as his yukata started slipping off of his shoulders in a quite suggestive way.

"Oh! Um, what would you like to eat, Victor?'' His face scrunched up before his eyes started twinkling in mirth. "What do you like to eat, Yuri?" Lights started flashing in Yuri's head and the gears started turning. He immediately told his mother to make some katsudon for their guest in a manner that sparked some interest in the other's eyes. And just within a minute or ten dinner was served before the Russian god, making his eyes twinkle in interest.

"Waow! This is amazing! What's it called?" Hiroko stood there and proudly presented him their well-known katsudon. A rice bowl, topped with a deep fried pork cutlet, which again was decorated by a layer of golden colored egg with some green peas. Literally everyone started drooling once the delicious smell of the katsudon wafted through their noses and they could hear the sizzling of the pork on the rice. How most Japanese would call it, the ultimate harmony! …..But secretly also one of the biggest calorie bombs known to humanity…much to Yuri's dismay if he had to say so himself.

Victor clumsily grabbed his chopsticks and stabbed the pork while 'skillfully' also grabbing some rice with it. "VKNUSNOV!" one could literally see the hearts in Victor's eyes as he stared at the pork cutlet bowl, "So this is your favorite dish?" Yuri nodded his head excitedly feeling happy to be able to share something of his own culture with his childhood idol and started chatting excitedly on about his favorite dish and own culture.

"Yes, this is a katsudon! A specialty of our inn, really, I always used to eat this whenever I won a competition! Those were good times." Several minutes passed in silence as if on que the aura around Victor seemed to scream something along the words of 'danger!' and 'you fucked up.'

Victor snapped his head to Yuri and smiled, but not a good smile. It was a well manner one, the one you would give relatives on a random occasion. It was like seeing your parent ask you to clean your room, 'asking'.

"So Yuri, have you eaten katsudon a lot lately?" Yuri started sweating heavily and just laughed on before looking at Victor again. He didn't know why, but he could feel the tension dripping in the room already.

"Yes, I've eaten it when I came home again for the first time in a few years." …Wrong answer, Yuri. Yuri gave a well-mannered smile at Victor unknowing of the real devil that was possessing mister Nikiforov. "But you haven't won anything at all lately now, have you?"

'HELP. CRITICAL HIT.' Yuri held his hand to his chest and wheezed, that was brutal. Not wrong, but still. Yuri began to sweat even more, underneath Victor's critical gaze.

'Ugh, is it me or did I just hear my own heart get trampled over?' Yuri looked heart brokenly at Victor and quietly resigned to his poor fate for the first time ever, experiencing an entirely new and different side of the Russian god. "….No. I haven't won anything... not recently at least."

"Well, I suppose it would be a great idea for you to lose some weight first, wouldn't it, little piggy? And those katsudon will only be yours once you win again!" Everybody started sweating at Victor's smile, which wasn't really a smile sent from heaven once again.

'Did he just call me piggy?!' Victor crept closer and closer much to Yuri's embarrassment. Even if he the other man was a foreigner and Yuri's idol, there was a limit to what his heart really could take!

"I look forward to working together, as coach and pupil, little piggy~" Victor grabbed Yuri's chin and leaned forward.

'Someone save me, kami-sama!' Yuri started praying at this point, praying real hard. For his sanity, and, well, mostly his sanity and survival yes. And somehow his prayers were in one way or another heard! In the form of his elder sister however.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Mr. Nikiforov. But aren't you maybe a little too close to my precious little baby brother?" Mari grabbed Yuri's collar from behind and pulled him back. A tick mark stood out nicely on her head as she gave a polite smile to their guest. After all, it wasn't as if she had yet to except the Russian man into their family or anything like that. It was ten years too early for her to give away her baby brother! It was at times like these that her overprotective sister instincts seemed to act up again.

Victor smiled sweetly at Mari, obviously not pleased by the lack of possible future physical (if any) contact with the Japanese cutie with glasses. Both Hiroko and Toshiya sighed with a slight upwards tug on their lips at the exchange between the youngsters.

"It's nice to be at that age. I remember how we used to be back then." Hiroko held her husband's hand and gave him a quick peck on the cheek making the older man blush.

"Haha, you got me there." Toshiya pecked Hiroko's forehead and both of them turned to look at the friendly, yet comedic exchange between their children and the Russian idol. That night was a night filled with laughter and many conversations, in Japanese, English. It had been a while since it was this lively back in Hasetsu, it was a drastic change, a drastic change that was going to be good for many.

A few days had passed and I was beginning to feel 'slightly' less nervous whenever talking to Victor. I slowly began to accept his presence as something of a normal occurrence. Something which I would never have guessed nor expected to be able to experience in my entire life.

* * *

And it had taken another week to get started on training again, mostly since Victor hadn't settled in entirely. It would be for Victor if we waited until he felt slightly more at place and homey in Hasetsu before we started training.

Secondly which we didn't tell Victor yet was that I was still resting from my last trip to the hospital. It didn't hurt or anything at all, but my entire body was still pretty sore. And with pretty sore I meant muscle aching sore that makes you want to lay down in bed for the next ten years in all honesty.

But really there was no such time to rest. Training time for the GP wasn't going to get longer but shorter in contrary, which wasn't coming in handy since I needed to practice my jumps and everything. Victor even prohibited me from entering the rink before I got back to my normal weight! How was I ever going to qualify for the GP let alone the GPF like this?!

Maybe a pep talk would help? Phichit often suggested giving a pep talk to yourself, saying it would help with my confidence. Well, trying can't hurt.

'Okay Yuri, you can do it! Japan is counting on you as their ace again Victor has high expectations of you! Right? What if they really don't need me after all?! Oh hell, what if- what if- Stop!' Okay…this pep talk thing wasn't really working…

I had realized since I started skating in competition from day one. The other skaters were a threat to me, sure, but the biggest threat to me was my mentality. It was the major factor in leading to my own demise.

Luckily there was little to no time to think about my insecurities as the time spent with Victor training to shape up again would be called absolute hell. It wasn't just that the amount of training seemed slightly different from his usual, like twice as much? But also the type of exercises Victor came up with that were absolutely horrifying.

However at the same time, as embarrassing as it is to say, my specialty would be considered dieting and slimming down in general. A gift many wish to poses, making my time training with Victor slightly less disastrous as it would have been for just an average non-athletic person.

Meanwhile both skaters had decided that it would be very sufficient for Victor to become familiar with Hasetsu, so Yuri often took the other on little trips during his work-out or after. "Yuri! What is that?!" Victor pointed to the 'oh so famous Hasetsu castle' and looked like a little child who just discovered some hidden treasure.

"That is Hasetsu castle, they say that ninjas used to hide out there." Yuri smiled, representing his home town with much fun so, rather than feeling obligated to.

"Waow ninjas?! Selfie time!" Victor immediately took like twenty selfies and posted them on Instagram, with the tags ninjas and …Hasetsu castle, not thinking about possible results when the next morning the media burst in through the Katsuki's inn. With an addition in the amount of family members, as one certain blond Russian male hurried to get his visa and luggage to fly to Hasetsu. The only things he left were two things, a note and his precious cat.

The note said the following: 'I'll get that idiot back. Take care of my cat. –Yuri'

Yakov stared at the note, face red. "Goddammit Victor! Why Yura too?!"

Yuri had taken the first plane to Japan and had his grandpa take him there to him off too. The older man being the supportive man he was, made some piroshky for Yuri's trip and helped him board.

"Be strong, my little Yura." He whispered as he waved off his grandson.

* * *

Once again, back at Yu-topia, Victor had officially been in Japan for a month or so. During that time he already noticed many things about his apprentice. For one, he loved looking at the sky, just spacing out for an unlimited time before someone would drag him out of it. He once caught Yuri staring out of the window for probably at least a good fifteen minutes without getting bored.

He noticed that his student didn't have the best self-confidence, liked the color blue, had terrible fashion sense, didn't like drinking alcohol and loved dogs. But this wasn't enough for Victor, something about the young male just made him want to know more and more, it was like an invincible force pulled them together.

"Yuri~ How about we sleep together tonight?" Victor asked in a singsong voice a slight hint of seduction detectable. But once again, no response only the calm dripping sound, the light pattering of the rain as Yuri looked outside.

"Yuri?" Still no response, his eyes were transfixed on something. Something beyond Victor's knowledge. He tried to pinpoint at what exactly the raven haired man had been looking at, but to his disappointment found nothing. He softly shuffled over to Yuri and tapped him on his back managing to scare the living daylights out of him.

''HOLY- Huh? Oh sorry Victor, I didn't notice you there. Did you need something of me?" Victor looked at Yuri thoughtfully and saw the bags underneath his eyes making him feel somewhat bad about himself.

'Maybe I'm pushing him a little too hard with his training…' Victor thought hard and felt some sort of concern mixed with a feeling of guilt swirl around inside of him.

"I think you should go to bed early Yuri, you look like you could fall asleep literally anywhere." (A/N Sleep, wow, haven't heard that word in a while…) Victor laughed and patted Yuri's back a little too hard, turning Yuri's suspicion to him.

"Rather than me, is something bothering you Victor?" Victor looked shocked even if only for a second could Yuri see it. "No, it's nothing." He was quiet, but at that moment Yuri decided not to pry any further, simply looking at Victor as he sat there staring at the same space Yuri was staring at just now with just the smallest smile present. Yuri didn't know why, but he loved this smile of Victor.

Maybe someday Victor would be willing to share his troubles with him?

Time passed slowly for both of them. Staring at the rain starting to clear up and the sun penetrating the clouds shining ever so brightly. They were looking at the same view, yet at the same time weren't.

'I wonder what he is looking at.' Both of them thought in the deepest parts of themselves. The silence between them was peaceful, not tense, but rather calming.

Victor slowly inched his hand closer to Yuri's hand. Before someone kicked in the door with a loud bang and ran towards the two skaters…

"Finally made it!" Their small moment of peace was broken the moment a very familiar blond Russian teen punk decided to storm into the room managing to kick Yuri in the process. ''Hah, nice kill! Victor! You're coming back to Russia to become my coach now! After all, you promised didn't you?" aggressive, but charismatic even at such young age. Yurio's face formed into a scowl as Victor looked at him confusion clearly evident on his face.

"Eh? I made a promise with you, Yuri?" Victor scratched his head trying to remember something about a promise again, but probably failed to like most of the times he did, since his memory was terrible beyond words.

'His memory is worse than dad's!' Yuri looked at both Russians in light amazement while Yurio was almost at the verge of breaking out in tears. Feeling some form of pity for the young teen he stood up and went to comfort the other.

"Um…Yuri-kun how would you like some food? You must be tired right? I'm positive you'd like my mom's katsudon." he might have looked pretty calm in the eyes of others, but in reality inside his own mindscape he was freaking out pretty hard, Yuri that is.

'Shit he's crying! Uh…how do you-' Yuri immediately ran to his mother who prepared the Russian teen some katsudon. This was the start of Yurio's obsession with katsudon, which created the best Russian and Japanese fusion dish ever to be created by god's hand as his legacy continued.

 **What actually happened once Yurio arrived in Japan**

"That fucking idiot, Victor why would he go to Japan of all places on earth?!" Yuri kept grumbling as he retrieved his luggage at the airport after passing by the airport security. He walked to the station and took the train to God knows where, it wasn't his fault he couldn't read the Japanese signs… He just sat there for another three hours till he reached the last stop.

"Victor, where the hell are you?!" screamed the Russian male at the freaking ocean as several elderly walked passed him commenting something along the lines of 'ah, that's youth I say' all in Japanese of course.

Meanwhile at the inn during lunch, "Hachoo!"

Yuri turned to look at Victor, "A cold? You know, they say someone is talking about you when you sneeze three times." Well everyone obviously passed it off as Victor was pretty much internationally famous.

Days turned into a week, and no, Yurio still hadn't arrived at Yu-topia. There was a very good reason behind it too. Something along the lines of having no sense of direction and maybe taking the wrong train several times, same story like always.

"WHERE THE FUCK AM I?!" Yurio turned to look at every little stall, even the Maruichi, but still couldn't freaking tell where he was…. He was still looking around in a frenzy before halting abruptly.

"OMG it is perfection…." There it was, his single soulmate, a huge, oversized… tiger shirt. (A/N be honest with me, what did you expect?)

And several minutes later Yurio was posting something on Instagram, with the hashtags tigers, t-shirt, hottopicFTW and so on.

"Old man, in what city are we actually?" Yurio looked at the man standing at the stall passively before the man raised a brow at the Russian kitten.

"This it Tokyo." Yurio's face remained blank for a few minutes, "Shit…"

He quickly gathered all of his luggage and turned away, well, not before turning back after a while asking the stall owner one more thing. "So…Um, where's the train station?"

* * *

 **That was chapter three people! Hope you enjoyed it~ My holiday just started, so I will be writing some chapters and just keep up with the one chapter a week thing. I might have caught a cold and have a slight fatigue atm…? And I'm editing this at 1.25am, how stupid can I get… Oh well time to sleep I guess.**

 **Shirotani out~**


	5. Chapter 4 - voices

**Shirotani back here with another chapter~! Hope you all enjoyed the last chapter filled with fillers? Anyways thanks guys for the new follow/favorite/comments~ I totally forgot to edit this so had to do this before my holiday ends…. I'm currently running on 4 hours of sleep so this is going to be fun to look at in the future I guess?**

 **And this chapter kind of fucked me up mentally, you'll realize soon how.**

 **Anyways please enjoy this fanfic while I'm going back to reading some KHR R27 fics~ (*whispers* BTW if someone has some good KHR/KNB fanfic recommendations then please tell me~ *bows down, begging***

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

"How about this, both Yuris will skate against each other and I'll become the winner's coach."Victor just stood there with a grin on his face the entire time.

The winner would own Victor in both body and soul, at least in Yuri's interpretation. If there was a time Yuri had wanted to slap someone, then it would be now. As of this very moment, fate's gears had been set. In that one millisecond and single breath, in that single line, he managed to form slight cracks. Cracks that were going to rip and turn into nothingness, Victor didn't realize that he just started the process in breaking something very, very precious.

"This time no promises broken", was all what he had said. This obviously made the Russian ice tiger astatic. Yurio was confident that he would be able to beat the Japanese piggy with no problems detected on his radar and personal calendar. He just sat there, clad in his tiger print clothes with a smirk only a winner could wear.

And in some sense, yes, Yuri Plisetsky had already won.

Meanwhile, Yuri Katsuki just sat there frozen on the bench at the skating rink filled with childhood memories.

"How about it Yuri? If you win, I'll stay. If Yura wins then I'll go back to Russia to train him under me." Everything fell upon deaf ears, like the words were a jumbled mess and started to melt away as soon as they started to reach him. Yuri tried to read Victor's lip, but all he could see was devastating to him, so he looked again and again.

'if you fail'. What was seen couldn't be unseen.

'Will Victor leave me? If I fail again, if I messed up again, am I going to be alone again?' again and again and again, all over again. Like an endless cycle all over again.

'You'll mess up. What does he even see in you, to coach someone like you?' a silent whisper in the back of his mind was like a knife to the back. Yuri felt his body go cold, that little warmth that he held left slowly and began to pull away as he became a shivering nervous wreck. It was agonizing.

'So, what will it be?' to lose or to win, either way no matter how much effort he would put into his skating, t would still look crappy, ungraceful and sloppy, like an elephant trying to wear heels. Doomed to fail, it was like a label put on the front of his head and it burned his skin with its acid.

"Okay, gather around you two~ We're going to listen to the songs that you guys will be skating on~ Now doesn't that sound fun?" Like usual Victor was giving these heart shaped smiles at everyone and was just very hyperactive, possibly excited in some way?

'What's so fun about this?' Yuri looked at Victor with a hint of confusion mixed into his face, why did he look so excited? Was he that happy to be leaving Yuri in Japan after promising to make him win the GPF?

It hurt, forget the knife to the back. This time it felt like someone trampled over his heart, that person being Victor Nikiforov, his idol. His idol, at times like these he remembered. Victor Nikiforov was only his idol.

'Look at how happy he is to get rid of something as useless as you. Maybe he got tired of you? Now smile~' the voice was getting louder and louder, a voice which Yuri himself didn't recognize. It was hollow, but hit the homebase hard, since everything it told Yuri was correct.

There were lots of things Yuri didn't excel in, he lagged behind others at many departments. There was however one thing he mastered in his last twenty-three years on earth and was confident in. That was wearing his heart up his sleeve, making any ounce of emotion disappear or twist any emotion around.

'Are you proud of yourself?' the answer would be no. No, he wasn't proud. No, he wasn't going to win. But he could give Victor a smile, something he would appreciate?

Yuri tightly pulled up his lips and turned to look at Victor, his face feeling like plastic and felt stiff. Victor looked at the smiling Yuri, it made him feel creeped out somehow. It was disturbing or unsettling, it depended on how you would see fit to describe it.

Victor walked closer and closer to Yuri until they were once again only a hair length away from each other's faces. Before grabbing with both of his hands his cheeks tenderly making the Japanese skater blush, alas before he pinched down on his cheeks real hard stretching them as far as possible.

"Aaaaah! phet huws! bwait Victo, byou're whurting my cheecks!" Victor started sniffling with a Yurio who stood there looking bemused yet disgusted.

"What the hell are you saying, pig? Pfft!" both looked at me and slowly I also started laughing with them, racking up a bubbly laugh.

"Pfft hahaha! What's wrong with you guys hahaha!" Victor and Yurio stepped back with delight showing on both faces.

"Well then, let's get started with the songs!" Victor dragged us to the music setup and plugged in his phone.

I looked at him tapping on his phone and started playing the songs. "Oh, I've already decided on who will skate on which song so just take your time listening closely."

The first song began playing softly and then began to build up, an exotic kind of song giving of an intimidating aura. Not a bad intimidating way, more as in a feeling that threatened to swoop you right of your feet if you didn't pay attention to it.

"Eros, sexual love. The second one will be Agape, pure love as I would describe it." We finished listening to both songs and were already able to imagine how to skate on this number with what type of image.

"So I take it I will be getting Eros." I looked at Yurio and nodded in agreement as we looked back at Victor.

"Yurio, you'll be taking Agape." Yurio looked at Victor with the most flabbergasted expression he could muster as he started protesting, "what?! Eros, Victor can't you see that Eros fits me more?!" My first thoughts were 'waow, does he scream a lot…' But on second thought, Yurio was right. With his aggressive personality, it wouldn't be surprising for him to be able to portray Eros perfectly. Yet Victor had chosen Agape for him without a second thought, now I myself started to get curious.

"Yurio gets Agape, because you can use some change from your usual routines. As for Yuri, I want you to take on Eros." If Yurio was surprised then it wouldn't be a surprise if someone told me to close my mouth that was like slightly opened in shock… Only just 'slightly'. Okay slightly meant totally wide agape, but still Victor was giving these casual heart shaped smiles at both of us and glide towards the middle of the ice.

If I had to tell anyone about Victor's skating, then I would have to say that it held only a few meaning for me, these were easy yet too difficult to describe. But all I knew at that one moment was that something inside me throbbed, it began like a small shadow that started to devour me inside out.

Seeing it all in real life was different from the TV screen made out of millions of pixels with artificial lighting. He was like god himself in my eyes. I don't know how many times I compared Victor Nikiforov to god himself, but I wasn't exaggerating, not at all.

The surging feeling of blood being pumped through my body to my brains, heart rate increasing as I looked at Victor gliding over the ice with the utmost of grace and dignity. If you would see the ice as an entire new world on its own, then Victor Nikiforov would be its king and I would just be a lowly peasant.

I turned to look at Yurio since Victor had started with skating on Agape.

Agape, one of the most purest forms of love in existence. As you have many ways to tell someone you love them in Japanese, Agape would be considered 'suki' in my very own dictionary. Love, but not all out, it had its own charm, like a shyness. A maiden's way of showing one's affection possibly.

I kept my gaze locked onto Victor's figure moving all alone over the ice with little to no effort. Every single movement Victor made, every jump, every little step, it was amazing. I was sure of it, Yuri Plisetsky was one to fear. Maybe young, but also ferocious, but Victor would annihilate every single skater underneath him without blinking once, that is how strong of a skater he was.

I turned to look at Yurio. Victor's skating program was hard, multiple quads and flips, something I could only dream of pulling off.

"Yurio wha-" I quickly shut my mouth as I looked closely at Yurio, his face was passive. The only reaction I could note was his eyes moving along with every of Victor's movements. That's right, he was critically assessing this very routine and ingraining it into his memory like it was nothing special. I didn't want to admit it, but I thought I saw raw talent blooming right in front of me, it was scaring. After a while a low smirk made its way onto his face, he had every single moved in his head already.

Like some monster.

At that moment I felt tremendous fear, both Russian's were out of my league by a great margin.

'Told you, it isn't a battle for them.' Victor was the king and Yurio would be the knight taking the ice by force, making it succumb to him. This unlimited potential inside of a small body frightened himself. He was surrounded by so many amazing people, yet here he was. What right to be there did he have?

"Shut up…." I whispered to no one in particularly, Yurio turned around to me in confusion as I had once again slipped into my native language.

"Yuri!" I felt rough hands shake me and snapping me out of my mental inner rambling, "Sorry, what did you say Victor?' Yurio looked agitated and ready to kick anyone any time soon and repeat to me what Victor had said. "He said to fucking pay attention since he's going to skate Eros for you now, pig!"

'Waow…what a temper...' I turned my eyes to Victor, once again, Victor stood in the middle of the rink and the music started to play. Exotic, fast and most of all enticing. He moved like he was grace himself in a fashion only a playboy would. Smooth and fast, but most of all intoxicating.

It was enough to get me, a man, pregnant! No wait I think I am already pregnant, I silently cried out in distress. There was no way I could pull it off like Victor! No way just no freaking way!

"So what do you think Yuri?" Victor came to a halt right in front of us and looked me in the eyes. "Um, yeah I'm not sure I'll be able to pull it off I think, like maybe I should just-" Victor interrupted me by slapping his hands over my mouth, I might have slightly bit my tongue in surprise too, but that didn't really matter.

Yurio seemed to have left and Victor stood in front of me, this time no rink separating us. "Yuri, let's just try before we complain~" I stifled a sigh and just followed the older man in front of me, he did have a point after all.

I quickly tied my laces and stepped on the ice. The slippery feeling of the element itself made it all too easy to glide over the ice. A sense of familiarity filled me, but still, something was missing.

First jump was a failure, but Victor told me not to mind it. Second jump once again a failure, my hands were shaking as frustration began to appear in every single cell of my body. And unconsciously the more I tried the worse I began to skate.

'It's tiring, why don't you stop already. You can't do this... After all, you are you. A FAILURE' my body began to slump, breathing became haggard as I tried keeping up with both Victor and Yurio. They were too fast. And before I had realized, I had already started erecting a barrier between the three of us. As I saw them skating they kept going further and further, further away from me.

'Why, even though I trained just as hard as you all did, why can't I get better?' these thoughts kept filling my mind as I attempted an axel, the one jump I'd never failed to make. Until this very day and I landed with a loud smack on the ice.

"Yuri?! Are you alright? That one looked painful!" Victor and Yurio hurriedly skated over to me and looked if I might have twisted anything as I just sat there motionlessly on the ice. I could feel the ice starting to melt underneath me, but I couldn't care less.

"What's wrong? Aren't you feeling well?" I muttered and looked up at both of them. "It's nothing." Sadly enough, Victor didn't notice that anything was wrong. Nobody really ever did, so why did I hope that Victor would- Victor violently grabbed my chin and roughly turned my face to his.

Blue, they were a shockingly pale blue. Blue like the sky on a bright day, they shone with unbearable brilliance. "Why haven't you looked me in the at least once?"

'Huh?' inside my head was an inner turmoil as I stood there just gaping at what he had just said to me, before finally feeling the embarrassment sink in.

"Victor?! Um, I think this is a little bit too close and you know with the-"really I had probably started rambling from then on in nervousness and couldn't seem to stop shaking. But the warmth of his finger quickly left my skin again, I felt a sense of loss which was quickly overrun by shame once again.

'Stop it Yuri, don't do this to yourself. He's just your coach, remember that.' I told myself stubbornly, slapping my face twice in the proces.

* * *

"Okay Yurio, look you've got all the jumps nailed and all, sure. But there's just something missing to your Agape." Yurio looked pissed and turned to only look me in the eyes, totally pissed off like usual.

"Well, you're training me right now, so tell me, how can I improve huh?!" Yurio smirked he definitely thought he got me there for a second, didn't he? I softly cracked my knuckles and pat the little tiger on his shoulder before turning it into a well-known iron grip.

In reality as of right now the Russia's ice tiger, maybe just ever so slight, got creeped out right now. So much that he just wanted to skate away to the sanctuary of his bed underneath his covers. But Victor held an iron grip on his shoulder as he laughed, his grip slightly tightening on Yurio's shoulders.

"Your greed is showing way too much, so how about a temple?" inside I was grinning like a madman, never underestimate Russia's Olympic skating winner.

"A temple, that's it? Okay, sure, what could be so terrible about a temple?" Yurio skated away and got his stuff ready hearing the other Yuri snort somewhat. "Good luck at the temple!" Yurio turned to glare at the so called piglet with a hint of confusion and made his way out of the rink slightly huffing in annoyance.

Meanwhile Yuri and I kept skating in utmost silence. Yuri wasn't willing to start a conversation in all honesty and I myself just didn't know what to talk about with the younger male. Sure I had boldly declared myself as his coach in the hot springs, but I never really did ask what Yuri himself wanted. Does he even want me here, isn't he feeling obligated to train under me? The skin on my stomach started burning as I slowly stopped moving on the ice.

"Yuri?" Yuri seemed to freeze up as he looked slightly at me. He still wasn't looking me in the eye, but we would work on that.

"…Say, do you even want me as your coach? I mean I know you can do a lot more and I've never actually really asked you if you wanted me to be your coach. But by the way you skate I just got this feeling that you're unmotivated and that you just don't need me and-" I felt like I was rambling like crazy.

"You're wrong!" Yuri's breathing was heavy as he held his stomach in slight pain. Victor didn't see it, but the way Yuri rubbed over his stomach was soft and tenderly. As if holding something precious in his hands.

My eyes widened as Yuri screamed those two single words. He never showed much of what he himself was feeling, much less scream so this was something new.

He wheezed a few times, practice must have tired him out and screaming really didn't help the introverted man.

I stared silently at the Asian beauty and just started gaping at him, "I'm sorry, seems like I got worried about nothing." I looked at him for a while after he finally regained his breath he stood up and did something I hadn't faced before yet. He was standing straight up his eyes locked with mine.

A strange sense of peacefulness seeped into me again as I felt my hip tingle. It was a nice and soothing feeling.

"Say Yuri, why don't you always stand and look like this?" I looked at him as he seemed lost at words after I told him this. The Yuri I had known for these past two months wasn't confident to describe him I would say he was a coward. A coward with a heart of gold and some hidden charm. A charm I was ready to bring out of him no matter what.

"I think it's because I don't have any confidence? And I'm just worried that- '' before I realized Victor stood right in front of me and grabbed my shoulders roughly. "Then I'll make sure you'll get the confidence to show me, no everyone, what you can do on the ice." His eyes showed some form of determination as he looked sincere. 'I wonder if I might have been the only one to see Victor like this before. I really hoped so at least.'

I light pink spread over my cheeks once again as I slowly pulled Victor's hands from my shoulders. This was more than I could ever ask of him.

"No worries Victor, I'll just have to find my own Eros now, won't I?" I looked at Victor to see him smiling softly at me as I fumbled with my thumbs. "Of course little piggy! Well let's go back, it's getting late now." Victor looked at me, excitement clearly visible on his face as I nod in agreement. We began jogging back to the onsen and just sat there eating until an angry Yurio showed up.

"So Yurio, how was the temple?" he stomped towards us with his grumpy face, before muttering something along the lines of 'revenge' and 'stupid baldy' as he began rubbing his sore shoulders. Seemed like the head priest got him good this time… This made me slightly smile in response while Victor just looked questioningly at Yurio, still unaware of the blood lust radiating from the blonde teen.

* * *

 **Omake**

 **What actually transpired at the temple~**

"Sit still!" 'slap!' Yurio arched his back in pain and turned around to face the real baldies sitting in front of him. "What the hell baldies?!" As if signing to each other another monk grabbed his fan and slapped Yurio's shoulder again.

"Ouch! This is child abuse!" The monks grinned among themselves as they remembered the old days. "That's not good, Yuri was much better at sitting there silently than you. Aaah, the good old days! Right guys?" as if on cue all the other monks started nodding with big smiles on their faces.

Yurio shuddered and at that point unlocked real nirvana in order to defeat the so called piglet in reaching his enlightenment.

"What is this? I think I can feel the power!" before anyone could shield themselves a blinding light started coming out of Yurio and every monk started gaping at him.

"Could it be?! Look at that hair!" the monks started pointing at Yuri's hair in amazement.

"It's the ultimate emo?!" it turned out Yurio's hair started falling before both of his eyes from this moment on, managing to unlock the ultimate emo from within the fifteen-year-old.

However in reality Yurio still didn't reach his ultimate Agape and just went home exhausted, with his hoodie thrown over his head as his 'emo defense mechanism'.

 **Preview!**

 **Next on Yurio searching for his true Agape!**

" **How about the waterfalls?"**

* * *

 **(A/N Okay people back to the story next time lol)**

 **Hope you guys liked that short little omake? It's been awhile since I've actually written fanfics, I have some other fanfics, but I haven't updated them in a year or so…. Whelp think I gotta run *sees pitchforks in distance***

 **PLEASE FOLLOW/FAVORITE/REVIEW AND THANKS FOR READING THIS FANFIC UP UNTIL NOW AGAIN. WELL GOTTA RUN~  
SHIROTANI OUT~! **

**Pitchfork dude no.1: "WAIT YOU ASS! WHERE ARE THE NEW UPDATES!?"**

 **Me: "I'M SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING DON'T HURT ME PLEASE! *still running***


	6. Chapter 5 - his first conquest

**Okay olla~ Shirotani back with yet another chapter~**

 **Quick question, are you guys really enjoying this fanfic? Because I don't really get that vibe from some PMs and all, but yeah, guess I'll just keep on writing...**

 **Sorry for the later update than usual BTW~**

 **Anyways for the people who kept asking about the POVs and Yuri VS. Yurio here's a short explanation for all.**

 **In this story there will be written through third persona and everyone else's POV, but I won't exactly write down whose pov because it's annoying.**

 **Secondly Yuuri, Yuri or Yurio usage.**

 **In chapter three I used Yuri, because no one knew him in the official story as Yurio back then. And it's still Yuri to me, simply because the Japanese manner of writing says that it is Yuri. As in Katsuki Yuri and Yuri Plisetsky are the same. I'm trying to avoid confusion by mostly writing about someone's *coughs* tiger prints and stuff and about pigs and ice tigers if no one noticed yet. But from here on I'll just be using Yurio, because I want no more comments about names... (Unless this stuff becomes mpreg. Which it won't lmao)**

 **Sorry folks I'm pretty salty about the entire POV thing…. Makes me think my writing style is crappy which it actually is.**

 **P.S: strange voice that Yuri is hearing will be written like this-**

 **'text'**

 **Yuri's own thoughts will be written like this-**

'text'

 **Anyways thanks for those who followed/favorited/reviewed and have fun reading once again, some fillers or angst (really it's always one of them or both)**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

A month had passed and neither Yuri nor Yurio had been able to find their true Eros or Agape. Really, both were too tired and agitated by everything and by the single fact that both of them were struggling with something that they should have been able to master within mere seconds as pro figure skaters.

At least, that's what they expected from themselves in their chaotic mindscapes. With the pressure of an actual audience that was going to watch, both were busy trying to reach perfection. No failure was to be accepted. In this one month they had both been able to study the routine 24/7.

Yurio obviously had no problems with his routine at all. After all, there was a reason as to how he got his nickname, The Russian Ice Tiger.

Yuri however was another matter. He struggled with the jumps, concept and everything in general, reasons unknown to everyone. After not having skated for a good while before he encountered Victor in the onsen this was something he had expected however.

Either way, in the end they both ended up staying late to help one another. Actually it was mostly Yurio helping Yuri land some of his jumps which ended up failing, but it was the thoughts that count.

"Why do you suck so much, it's just a quad salchow…" Yurio's face was all scrunched up before he looked away and prepared for another quad salchow. He took a step back and built up some speed.

'Did he say 'just' a quad salchow?!' However before Yurio could demonstrate the quad again Victor entered the rink staring in slight awe. Both Yuris turned their head to the light giggling and immediately froze on their spots.

"Oh my, Yurio is helping someone? I'm so proud of you Yura!" Victor made his way over the ice just to glomp the petite teen and crushed him in his arms with his abnormal strength.

"Get off of me old man! Hey, help me pig!" I turned around and glanced back at Yurio.

"Did you just call me pig again?" and finished it off with a sideway smirk before slightly moving away from the scene silently leaving Yurio to fend for himself. Or so I tried to do.

Yurio paled quite significantly and what I saw next made my jaw drop. Yuri Plisetsky, THE Yuri Plisetsky was freaking pouting! I swear to whatever is holy that was probably the moment I felt some sort of unknown maternal instincts inside of me awaken by his cuteness which normally would have been like ten times as fatal.

"I'm so sorry, I'll come help you right now, Yura!" I quickly skated to the both of them and started scolding Victor who was looking at me in wonder since I had most likely been switching languages more often than I should have, but my ranting mode was activated and unstoppable.

As for our cute Russian teen here, he was simply amazed by me scolding Victor that he didn't even mind the fact that I had called him Yura, probably? Let's hope it would stay that way for now.

"Good job, katsudon." Yurio started lightly laughing and it felt like spring had arrived once again finishing it off with a light blush of course.

'Did he just upgrade me from pig to katsudon?' I turned to Victor and began shaking him like crazy, "Victor he called me katsudon! Oh my God I just upgraded!" Victor congratulated me with and pat my back.

"That's great for you Yuri. So, how about Yura stops calling me baldie from now on?" Yurio started lying on the ice holding his stomach as I too joined in laughing with him.  
"I think you're asking for too much right now, Victor!" Victor immediately crouched down and looked at Yurio with a cheeky glint in his eyes.

"Oh…Fuck no!" Yurio started laughing and kicking like a madman the very moment Victor started attacking Yurio.

"No! Stop tickli- ahaha!" After what seemed to be a while, Yurio officially died on the ice. Before I realized it I felt Victor's fingers on my head, they were warm and slightly calloused. Nonetheless did they feel tender.

'Badump. Badump.' I could feel the blood rushing to my head as he kept on softly ruffling my hair in a playful manner. I wonder if he was like this to others too. That thought made me freeze up.

"Yuri? Is something wrong?" he looked at me with raised eyebrows and if I had to be honest, I already missed the feeling of his fingers lightly scraping my scalp and tenderly touching my hair. "No, I'm sorry it's nothing."

It's nothing. It's nothing, really. How many times had I told everyone this?

Victor was handsome, talented and everything I wasn't.

"I'll go check up on Yurio, I'll come join you later after your warming-up." I silently waved to Victor who was going to look for Yurio who had disappeared to God knows where. Quickly, I need to get out for a second and think rationally. I left the ice and put on the blade protectors before grabbing a bottle of water.

Before I realized it once again, had I broken into a light jog towards the changing room and just found Yurio sitting there on the benches, all alone on his phone.

"Can't believe that baldie is making me skate to Agape…In what way am I Agape at all?" Yurio kept rambling, almost muttering in a way while grabbing his head in thought. Seemed like I wasn't the only one struggling, this somehow relieved me and in all honesty I couldn't help but to agree with every single thing the blonde had said.

But somehow I could also sense this unlimited potential besides me. Sure Yurio might not have been suitable for Agape, but with practice he could achieve anything. He just had to realize his inner Agape.

"I totally know where you're coming from haha. I mean can you see me skating to Eros? It's story of a man coming to woo every single woman in town and then there is this one girl he can't get. In the end he catches her and makes her fall head over heels with him. But ends up throwing her away and moves on to the next town." Yurio stared at me in a calculative manner slowly tapping his chin as I sat down next to him on the bench.

"But you know Yurio, I think we should just trust Victor with this. I mean surely he knows what he's doing right?" He looked at my passively before slowly nodding, a slight feeling of content settled in nicely as we both began thinking of our next steps.

"Guys, how about a waterfall?" Victor's head popped up behind the door and he shooed us out of the rink and just waved us off, next thing we knew is that we were at the freaking waterfalls in our bathrobes….

"Tell me, why were we doing this again?" I shivered under the cold stream of water hitting our backs at a rapid rate. Really I think Yurio and I might catch a cold like this if this goes on any longer. I started shivering but endured, still trying to maintain my light conversation with Yurio.

"One word 'baldie'." I looked over at Yurio to see him shivering just as hard as I was. "You do realize he isn't bald right?" And looks like I struck a nerve…whoops? I started awkwardly laughing as I shuffled some more to the right where there was no Yurio.

"I won't say anything anymore I swear." With this everything seemed to calm down again and could finally think normally again without everything being one big chaos.

I finally had the time again to look back at these past two months. How I met both Victor and Yurio, me being challenged to a match and just having fun with each other. It was fun so far it could only last, in the end either Yurio or Yurio with Victor would leave Japan if I didn't win. The thought slightly stung.

My only choice was to win, not that I had any confidence in doing so though. "Come on Yurio, let's go." I pulled Yurio's cold arm out of the water as he was in some sort of daze. It was only then that I noticed, he might have just found his Agape.

'Please no, don't fucking do this to me… How can I ever defeat you like this?!'

"Yurio…You..." But before I could say a thing he had stormed off and made his way back to the rink, it was only at dinner that I saw him again looking totally refreshed and some sort of confidence radiating from him. I realized at that moment, I messed up. Yurio was another step ahead of me already.

An entire week had passed, surely I had been able to land most of the quads and other jumps. The biggest problem would only be one thing, my Eros. Yurio had been going at a good pace, he had all his jumps and quads alike perfectly nailed and I could already see the start of his blooming Agape.

And it looked like Victor had figured it out too as he began paying more attention to Yurio who was working hard on something indescribable for me. If this was what the GPF was going to look like, then I wasn't sure if I even wanted to try anymore.

'How did I even make it the first time?' really, just how in the world did I manage to get to where I am today?

My head felt like a swarm of bees were trying to get out, I pondered about my question long, so, so long. No matter how long I thought the question about what I was doing here was still bugging me.

'What is someone like me actually doing here?'

The way Yurio and Victor were practicing together made me feel somewhat anxious, I felt like clawing at my chest and breathing became all the more difficult again. If I moved one step forward that would only mean that they would move fifteen steps forward.

However there was also another unknown feeling ripping me half apart. It started of slowly and was unnoticeable at first, however as time went on the bigger this feeling inside me began to grow. Like a hole making you fall in it, inevitable.

"Yuri, really your jumps and quads are alright for now I suppose you just need to find your Eros now and refine it." he told me this like it was something so easy, if it was that easy then I wouldn't have trouble mastering it by now.

"What do you expect from me Victor…?" his eyes widened and those beautiful aqua eyes stared at me right through my very own soul. It burned and it tingled unpleasantly.

"How have you acted around your past lovers before? Maybe you could use-" And it seems somebody dared to open Pandora's forbidden box upon reaching this topic…

"Haah?! What do you expect? I'm a twenty-three-year-old virgin, let alone dating someone I haven't even had my first kiss!" I snapped my head upwards to where Victor was, still panting, as realization to what I had just said settled in.

'Wait, wait, wait what did I just say?! This is so embarrassing, this isn't what I wanted to say!'

Really that smirk on Victor's face I don't know what it was supposed to mean, but I didn't like where this was going….

"Think about it Yuri, what excites you so much that makes your mind lose rationality? Who? If you don't know there might be another way to help you find your true Eros." He winked suggestively and leaned forward, I could feel his breath on my neck slightly tingling and making me shiver underneath his touch.

"Katsudon!"….

"Eh?''

'Did I just really yell katsudon?' Victor and I stared at each other totally confused before I hear a light snort.

"Pfft okay, let's keep katsudon in mind for you Yuri! That's a great idea!" I clasped my hands in front of my face in utter shame and embarrassment. It can't get worse than this right?

"I want to dig a hole and never come out of it ever again…"

The deadline was approaching in one week.

After apparently 'finding' my Eros, in the most awkward way ever, my chances on defeating Yurio were raised significantly according to Victor. He even told me he could see great improvement, I didn't feel this yet, but I was making my own process I guess.

I even went to ask Minako-sensei about it since something just felt off about my skating. I'm not the playboy who comes and tramples over the hearts over innocent maidens, that was the first problem already. The song just didn't suit me, but knowing Minako-sensei, she would know what to do.

"Minako-sensei! I need your help." I stormed into the ballet studio while she just sat there like she had been waiting for me. The bright studio lights were already on and Minako herself was already in clothes ready to practice.

"You're late, now go get your warming-up!" she gave me a grin as we finally got started the long night.

"Yes ma'am!"

After refining our routines, the next step would be obviously to choose our costumes. And this was the part I was excited about the most.

Trying. Out. Victor's. Old. Costumes.

Hell, my fanboy mode got activated the moment I started walked to Victor's room together with Yurio, who himself wasn't any better than I was, mentally speaking.

Yurio was fidgeting the entire time as we both ran down the hallway and stopped before the door to Victor's room. And what we saw was more than we ever expected, sure we knew Victor had skated to tons and tons of songs on TV, but the actual amount was more than we ever expected.

I knocked on the door twice as Yurio kicked in the door. It was silent for a while, before we got overwhelmed by the tsunami of costumes coming our way.

"RUN!" I grabbed Yura's hand, but it was already too late, we were done for it.

"I see you're having fun deciding on the costumes guys~ Have you found one yet?" The first one to emerge from the pile of doom was Yurio who started gasping for air as soon as he saw the outside world.

"shit…I thought I was done for it!" Yurio showed Victor his costume of choice. A silver colored costume which was decorated by some feathers at the sleeves. Victor hummed in agreement and let Yurio go whilst it took Yuri another five minutes before he reached the surface.

"Found anything yet?" Yuri was panting and crawled towards Victor, totally drained of life. He showed Victor the costume, black and probably tight on Yuri's frame, which was going to be something to look forward to in someone's (Victor's) eyes.

"Okay, you're good to go, little piglet~" Yuri crawled away into his own sanctuary and on the way encountered a Yurio who was looking just as exhausted as he was.

"Remind me to never go shopping with Victor…" Yurio nodded in agreement as both continued their way to their rooms.

And then, finally the time had come. A week had past and all the tickets were sold after they had put up the posters of their battle in town. Lines of people were waiting outside the Ice Castle as everyone inside were quickly preparing the last things.

 **Inside The Ice Castle**

"Shit, are the skaters ready yet?! Where are the triplets?! And how are the-" everyone was busy inside while I just stood there legs shaking.

I could already feel my body filling itself with adrenaline. Is what I would like to say…but I was like a newborn baby deer trying to walk…

"Go get 'em Yuri, Yurio! No matter who wins I'll still be proud!" That's what Victor had said, sure it slightly settled down the nervous panic attack I might've been having, but seeing Yurio skate didn't help all that much.

The sounds of people applauding and the commentators introducing us as both contestants just made my mind empty. It was like my body was disconnected from my mind an internal error.

Cameras were flashing everywhere and I couldn't remember the last time I had been this nervous.

It was Yurio's turn first, so I stood there and watched closely.

Yurio started with the music, timing was perfect and he executed every single step in the choreography perfectly without a hitch. No step outs, no falling, it was a technical perfection.

And with the song ending the crowd had gone wild… I couldn't breathe. It was like someone squeezed my lungs harshly with no mercy. Like someone had thrown a blanket of irrationality around me and sealed it off tightly, without room for any escape.

''I don't want this…Please help me…'' It had gotten to the point of begging, I had lost all sanity once again like every other time. This was the reason I had even failed nationals.

'You're going to lose. Give up already.' It had been officially over five years since I had been hearing this voice inside of me. And every time it started, there was no stopping it.

After all, the voice was never wrong.

Yurio had gotten off the ice looking even more pissed than ever, he must've felt unsatisfied by his performance. However the moment he turned to look at me together with Victor they both began to frown in a worried manner.

My hands began to tremble as I quickly put them over my ears and sat in the corner of the room. Sealed off, I don't deserve to skate. Yurio is way better than I am. Victor should just go back to- no I don't want him to go…. But I can't make him stay if I don't win!

I want to win so badly, I want Victor to stay here longer…

Both Russians must have never seen someone with a mental breakdown like this…haha. Really I could slightly laugh in irony, but right now I was rather focusing on being able to breathe. Unknowingly Victor had moved forward and sat infront of me on his knees.

"Yuri, are you alright?" he softly caressed my palm and combed with his other hand through my hair. Yurio had sat down next to me and just sat there in silence while I was still trying to calm down my erratic heart beating.

"Hm…" a strange sound made its way out of my mouth as I tightly grasped onto my anchor, Victor's hand. It was only at that moment that he embraced my in his slightly muscular arms and put my head in his nape.

"I'm sure everything will go well, just calm down and skate with all you have." The scent of Victor, he smelled like pine trees with a pinch of lemon.

I sat still there for another minute or so before, what felt to me like five hours, I finally started calming down.

The audience's screaming still hadn't seized, but it was more bearable, almost muted I would say. The flashes of the cameras didn't blind me as much as it did before.

 **'YOU. ARE. GOING. TO FAIL.'**

I stood up and made my way towards the rink Victor still held onto my hand and squeezed it once more before letting go.

"Davai, Yuri." Both Russians looked at me as I started walking again.

I made my way to the middle of the ice.

 **'You're useless...'**

It didn't matter anymore, failing or not this time. I tried my best, I looked at Victor who was already looking prouder than I had ever seen him in the past few days.

"Can you be quiet for just this once?" I listened closely and only silence reigned for the first time in a while again. It was only at times like this, my weakest times that the voice would come at me. Not today, I practiced so hard, so not today.

Everything turned into a blur. The music, the lights, it was as if I was in some sort of trance. In that one moment however there was one thing clear, the beautiful pulsating feeling of my soulmark, humming in content.

Landing my first quad went nicely as if I was skating on an automatic pilot.

 **'Why do you still try so hard?'** I heard it this time. It wasn't as aggressive as it had always been before, but this time it sounded like a young boy.

One step out, I made one mistake.

"I really don't know either." I whispered to no one in particular.

The last seconds of the song was like hell, I felt my muscles aching and everything just went faster and faster as I finished everything up by wrapping my arms around me.

I turned to Victor as he looked over at me proudly, "See, you could do it." These words only were enough to make my brain melt down and my legs felt like jelly.

"Thank you." A slight blush stained my cheeks and slowly began to spread to my ears. It wouldn't be a wonder if I had become a tomato by now. The tingling feeling on my skin still hadn't seized and only increased as I imagined my fingers slightly touching Victor's.

I smiled and started skating towards both Russians. After many cameramen came to interview us it was finally time to head back. I felt tired beyond understanding and started leaning against Yurio for support.

"Listen up pork cutlet, you might have won this time but the real battle is only getting started!" Yurio started beaming and ran in front of me and Victor skipping here and there in his walk. In all honesty I had expected somewhat of a sour expression after he had lost.

Scrap that, I didn't think I would win. The only things I remember after being done with skating is Victor pulling me into a bone crushing hug and after that nothing but a huge blur since my mind had been on autopilot the entire walk back home.

Yurio told us about Yakov allowing him to stay here in Japan for another month, which made everyone ecstatic of course. I guess we could all enjoy this moment a little bit longer right? It wasn't wrong for me to want to let everything remain like this was it?

Just the three of us walking like this with bits of small talk really made me feel at peace and slowly I started forgetting every single problem in the world.

Yurio on my right side grinning as we headed back home, Victor on my left side with his hand wrapped over my shoulder with a friendly nudging here and there.

If only the weight and the sound of the Prozac rattling in my bag wouldn't shake me in the deepest parts of my consciousness.

* * *

 **So people that was the ending of the first real arc I would say! From now on I will add in some extra stuff and just ignore mostly of the original story line. Applause for the people who managed to sit through 12k (something) of things they already expected to happen!**

 **I'm not really satisfied with this chapter…So that's also why it took a while. And next week I have to prep for my exams, so if I don't update a week or two, I'm really sorry! I tried making it up by giving it a nice cliffhanger-ish thingie. For those who know what Prozac don't know what Prozac is, no worries, I'll explain it in another chapter~**

 **Anyways, for those with exams too good luck and see you soon in the second arc again~!**

 **Shirotani out~ (chapter: 4,237 words)**


	7. Writer's note not an actual chapter :(

Hello dear readers of Soulmark,

I'm sorry but this obviously isn't an update but an explanation with some good news added alongside.

First things first, like you might have noticed I have once again been very inactive these past few months, but with a reason.

My laptop died on me with all the files which isn't exactly convenient , but no worries I got a new laptop today 😊

School has been tough on me and that pretty much explains itself

I've been going through some mental health issues for a while now and started seeing two very nice people for it, we have only had one session but I believe that it will work out somehow. Good part of this is more fuel for my angst fics though haha

Okay enough depressing matters, I obviously haven't totally given up on my fanfic yet and for New Years I will be at least editing another chapter of Soulmark and will be continuing updating once every month or three I'm still unsure about it.

For those who kept waiting for another update (not that I expect anyone to) thanks you for your patience!


	8. Chapter 6 - the day we found each other

**I'm pretty sure the universe has something against me as I'm editing this chapter with a flu… Well anyways here we are with chapter 6, a new record for me to be honest haha. So please darken your room hide underneath your blankets and enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

It had been a full week since Yuri's victory against Yurio, Russia's infamous Ice Tiger. The media was already getting on edge ever since they heard about his victory, mainly since Yuri himself had been in quite a slump lately before he met Victor. They, the media, would call Victor a catalyst, although Yuri himself would have disagreed if he heard that and would have referred to him rather as a tempest.

Victor sighed contently while watching last week's match for the fifth time again at home. One could swear that they could see the delight on Victor's face, delighted at the potential seeping from the both of them. He could feel a dark nestling feeling from within the black waters slowly creeping up, whatever would come out… he didn't want to know just yet what both skaters would become.

There was Yuri who started showing his Eros more and more and then there was Yura who almost perfectly depicted the purity which was Agape. In the beginning both of them were quite unfamiliar with the elements they had to present and showed that with every single muscle in their body, just like Victor had predicted.

What he didn't predict however was the single fact that Yura would catch up, he had definitely struggled but in reality he had become a beast even for just a minute during his performance. A young talent on the verge of blooming, Victor could just sense it, he could smell it in the air.

Then there was his little Katsudon, he started out as the most sloppy skater he had seen in a while. His self-confidence was simply explainable as shitty and you could see that in his skating. However he could feel something bubbling, waiting to come out , something dark.

Yuri had failed one quad, but that didn't make a difference, he was already qualified to enter the GP stage everyone who knew him personally could attest to that. The match was only to get both Yuris to not only strive for technical perfection and it honestly paid of more than anyone could've hoped for in any way.

There was however one thing that Victor wasn't entirely happy with, Yurio's biggest fault would be easy to correct really he himself had already realized why he had lost to Yuri. Yuri himself however the only one big fault he… well even Victor couldn't entirely figure it out.

He could clearly remember the first time he saw Yuri skate, it was before his slump obviously. Even then Yuri was quite sloppy but it didn't in any way kill of his performance like it did now. The way his eyes shone just by touching the ice with the tip of his skates was something that just wouldn't leave Victor's mind. The way his face just started lighting up, he wanted to see that again.

Yuri looked like he actually enjoyed skating and Victor wanted to find out how and why.

' **You envy him. You're jealous. Jealousy isn't pretty, Vitya.'** Victor scrunched up his face the voice lingering in his mind was however quickly dismissed it again in a flash.

There was no way he could forget those trembling hands gripping his hands tightly like his life depended on it. He couldn't forget that look of horror on Yuri's face.

He wanted to make his insecurity go away, make it fly away. Yuri thought he was selfish for hogging Victor, but in reality Victor was selfish for using Yuri.

That is right. Victor Nikiforov is using Yuri Katsuki.

Victor stared grimly at the TV, **' That's right. You monster.'**

* * *

''Guys let's take a bath together!'' really things went down from one to another moment as I quickly wrapped a towel around my middle. We started walking to the outdoors onsen, which luckily was pretty empty for once.

The cherry blossoms had started raining down again. Really before I had noticed winter had set to spring, Japan was known for drastic weather changes, but the process from winter to spring was the most beautiful one.

It was raining pink, a pink mist slightly dropping down on us surrounded by the warmth of the steaming water, the scent of green tea penetrated my senses making all my muscles relax entirely, this is one way to enjoy life undeniably.

Yurio was hanging lazily out of the onsen and Victor just seemed to half disappear underwater after a while, unsurprisingly five sake bottles floating around him. I slightly began to stretch and then noticed Yurio's soulmark, his back was covered by a graceful lone tiger underneath half of a humongous tree and somehow it actually looked quite lonely on its own.

Just like him.

Yurio turned to me finally noticing my lingering gaze on his back and actually quite fondly pointed at his back. ''Cool isn't it? I really like my soulmark, imagine how cool it will look once it's finished!'' Yurio quickly swam towards me while Victor was still drowning a few meters further and sat down.

I shook my head with a red tint to it, "I'm sorry, it was rude to stare at your mark."

Yurio just looked at me questions filling his head before he finally got it, "Oh, culture differences! It's totally fine in Russia."

''Can I see yours too?'' Yurio questioned cutely tilting his head to the side slightly. Really it was only at times like this that you could really see him acting his age, since he was so stuck up usually. Well it isn't as if I could say anything about him being stuck up that would be ironic and pretty hypocritic sadly enough.

"If you promise to keep it a secret I will.'' I looked over at Victor who was still drowning in the warm water. I couldn't deny Yurio after I saw how he fondly looked at his soulmark and didn't mind me invading his privacy. Like they said eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth.

"…Sure" Yurio perked up and looked at me with interest now.

"Here." I held out my pinky and hooked it with his lightly shaking it up and down before breaking it.

An unbreakable vow.

"With this you can't back out now. "Yurio looked skeptical but proceeded to nod before waiting with growing anticipation.

I stood up and proceeded to turn around to Yuri.

''I also really love mine you see, for a multitude of reasons I must say. But just a little warning Yurio, it's pretty taboo showing your mark here in Japan'' I fondly touched my mark with a bitter smile on my face as Yurio turned to get a better look at it.

Really soulmarks might have been important to every individual, but looking at another's soulmark was rude in Japan. It was like asking anyone to show their deepest secrets ,that's why many didn't bother looking at other's soulmarks.

''What? showing each other's soulmarks without me? That's unfair I also want to share mine~'' Victor stood up with his eyes still slightly lid and his face red from the alcohol.

He slowly stood up and slightly lowered his towel, Yurio was staring intensely at it, just like me. Once he slowly lowered his towel enough to see his soulmark though, my breath caught stuck in my throat. Stars, light pinkish stars were decorating his hip, stomach and slightly went down his leg.

I found him. My soulmate.

My heart was beating like crazy and every thought I had before just flew away as I stared at Victor who lowered himself in the water again. My hands were shaking and it felt like the gravity had intensified almost pulling me down on my weak wobbly knees.

Yurio looked at Yuri immediately after seeing Victor's soulmark and turned to him excitement showing in his eyes.

A happy feeling spread itself in my chest as I slightly dared glance at Victor's mark again. The reason why I felt pulled to him, why he could calm me down within mere seconds had not been pure coincidence. Why my body always started trembling at his mere voice, breath, touch.

Why my heart felt like it was going to burst at any moment everything around me just seemed to slow down. I had finally found my mate, my heart was rejoicing and it was beating down toll the point of fucking exploding.

Yurio and I turned to look at each other, he had obviously noticed too and immediately congratulated me and went to Victor, but soon enough noticed the he was asleep once again. ''Jesus Christ old man! Don't go fucking sleep in the onsen!'' He shook the older Russian hard, but no help as he kept sleeping.

''No worries Yurio,'' I touched his shoulder and spoke his name in a fond manner "the time will come when I can tell him, really.'' Yurio sighed as he leveled himself into the water again.

I heard something along the lines as idiots, but really I felt too happy to say anything to that.

That night I laid in bed wide awake, I had found my soulmate at the age of twenty three. My soulmate was Victor Nikiforov, in some way it all seemed to click, in another way it was still unbelievable to me. The man I had looked up to ever since I could remember seemed a lot closer to me all of the sudden and the mere thought of that made me anxious.

I stood up and walked up to the mirror, lifting my shirt to look at the light blue on my body. I traced it, every line and every point.

' **Soulmarks tell us your biggest secrets.'**

I grabbed my shirt and stared in horror at the mirror.

' **Your biggest secret'**

My stars. They started fading, light fading away and dying.

My soulmark is dying.

* * *

Another week had passed as it was time for both me and Yurio to look at new songs.

''Yuri what song do you want to skate on?'' Victor stared at Yuri as he moved closer and closer. ''You know, I heard that you've never actually chosen your own song, I need a song which makes me understand Yuri even better.'' Badump. Badump. Badump.

Heat spread to my face as I quickly used my sleeves to hide the red blush. Really how could this man say everything with such a straight face, Russian's are amazing…

''Then, I'll be going ahead of you guys and go home.'' I quickly made my way out of the rink and ran back home.

What was that heart throb?! I swear to god, did my heart just stop for a second?! NONONONONONONO let's forget about that, focus on finding your song Katsuki! Okay how to calm down? Right lets drink some tea….

It sure took a while but in the end I had managed to finally calm down the throbbing feeling in my chest. ''Okay focus Yuri, don't think about how your idol just made your heart pound like crazy….Yup, that doesn't help the slightest haha…ha''

While Yuri was having a mental dilemma Victor and Yurio arrived back at the inn just casually chatting with not having Yurio scream at Victor for the first time in a long very long while. Blessing everyone's ears with this miracle, although nobody would mind if it was the Russian fairy damaging their ears.

Victor hummed lightly, unknowingly to him another calm before the storm was heading towards them.

* * *

 ***Gasps* who would have thought *add dramatic arms waving* They were SOULMATES. But like every generic fanfic written by any sixteen y/o teenager with mental issues- shit is going to go down hard.  
So we're learning a bit about Victor's motives and the voice plaguing his mind just like Yuri's. We also learned about Yuri's weird soulmark circumstances. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed having a heart attack from trying to save this shit laptop lol. **

**Anyways Shirotani out and stay tuned for another chapter in half a year lmao.**


	9. Chapter 7 - crumble

**Hello, Shirotani's back with once again another angst fueled chapter. Really took my sweet time editing this one and am not as satisfied as I'd like to be but I'm pretty busy and my birthday will be pretty soon :) I'll be graduating from the angsty 16 year old phase and going on to a less dignified 17 y/o life...lord help me.**

 **Anyways like always, enjoy this chapter and crawl under your blankets ;)**

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

The phone rang, subtly breaking the bubble of peacefulness that had surrounded the mundane life of the Katsuki couple. Hiroko quickly picked up the phone wondering who it could be, only to violently throw away the phone a few seconds later in agonizing terror.

The sound of something hitting the floor alarmed Toshiya as he, despite his sore back reached towards the phone, he softly rubbed his wife's arms with a speck of concern dusting his brown eyes. Hiroko had begun sobbing on her knees as if she had been praying and trembled.

"Hello? Yes this is him, is there something wrong?" Toshiya spoke into the phone, gently holding his wife close, she had always been an emotional woman ever since he first met her in his young teenage years. And this had also been one of the reasons why he fell in love with her.

"Hello, Toshiya-san, it's me Moriya." Before his eyes the world seemed to once again lose all its colors, only leaving a blob of grey in the room and the silent sobbing of his Hiroko.

He licked his dry lips, "As unfortunate as it is, it seems that your son is relapsing. It would be best for your son to get a check-up as soon as possible, especially after the report we received from his doctor in Detroit." His tone sounded calm, as if Moriya delivered this type of news daily, which he probably did considering his occupation.

Hiroko clung to Toshiya's pants as if it had been here lifeline, ''No, please- h-he, no we can't do this to our baby, please…'' Hiroko softly begged her husband to make it all disappear, to keep quiet, to spare them the pain that would have to follow.

Like a storm raging behind the glass, soon all will shatter into a million pieces.

* * *

I'm numb. Cold air streaming into my lungs as I soon couldn't hear, no longer see, smell, feel, nor sense a thing. That big shadow that was always lurking behind me was waiting for the right timing, the right moment to swallow me whole.

"Yuri, we got a message from Moriya today, he-" sounds disappeared, like I was drowning underwater. Before even realizing a thing I put my hands over my ears, staring straight ahead of me. All sounds became muddled and even the simplest task like breathing became hard. Dad sat on the edge of my bed. It felt like someone had been swirling my intestines with a spoon, scooping it out cleanly before dancing on my guts.

No it didn't hurt, what hurt most was those eyes of pity staring out of that dark corner in the room.

'Poor boy.', ' how would his parents feel when he-', it was just all too familiar, like a recorder playing on repeat.

A great sense of nostalgia came washing over me. This wasn't the pleasant feeling nostalgia usually brought however, rather the vomit inducing stress one.

It all came back to me, it was like I was being forced back into the body of my fourteen year old self all over again, forced to rewatch as everything and everyone in my life crumbled down to dust.

Dad's old and wrinkled hands clenched my tight slightly as he stared at me with a frown marring his face. He too, I could see was slowly crumbling, he was aging faster and faster. Where would that playback button be? Like on the remote controls, where were they in real life whenever you needed one.

"Yuri…I-" he sat there slightly frozen in spot, stammering like he didn't know what to tell me anymore.

I killed every little feeling still left in my numbing body and smoothly spoke, "It's alright, dad."

Tears threatened to fall down from his cheeks so I did the only thing I could do, I hugged him. I wrapped my arms around my frail father and rubbed soothing circles on his back. I hear ugly sobbing, not only next to me, but also behind that brown door separating me from a normal life.

In reality I had wanted to cry so much, I wanted to fill oceans, but nothing just seemed to get out anymore. My tear duct might have broken from the tears I already shed.

"I'm sorry….please God"

'Everything is going to hell, isn't it?'

I choked on my own sorrow, "Dad, I can't anymore…" he looked at me in shock mixed with terror. We sat there and sat and sat. Time passing by like the world had no time for us.

No more place and time for me.

 **Three days later**

"Yuri, we're back! ….Yuri?" As soon as Yurio and I had returned to the inn we found no sign of Yuri once again. He had locked himself in his room and hadn't talked to us in days. Toshiya had just told us it was just a flu and told us to stay away from Yuri and let him recover. Normally this wouldn't have been such a big deal, but there was this dark tense atmosphere in the air, however we passed it off as us being paranoid within mere seconds.

"Psst, Victor, Yurio here." Yuri's mother was gesturing towards us waving her hand slightly and guided us to the living room of the Katsuki family.

"Is there something…Ms. Katsuki?" I refrained from calling her 'mom' or 'mama' like everyone else did here, it felt strange to call her so familiarly. Hiroko grabbed a box from the upper shelf above that was situated next to some trophies that Yuri or Mari had won in the past. The shelves underneath it were mostly decorated with golden medals, mostly skating and some other awards for either music or photography.

But now the thing that mostly got my attention was a blue colored book that Hiroko fished out of the big box. "So, since we've got to uphold our embarrassing traditions I will officially share embarrassing baby pictures of the cute and endearing Katsuki Yuri with my honorable guests today." Hiroko was looking with a mischievous glint at us as we quickly caught on and I immediately grabbed the baby album.

"Waow! Baby Yuri, so cute!" Yurio leaned over and glanced at some of the pictures taking into account the amount of chubby baby pictures which were too adorable for everyone's own health.

"This is from when he was just born and this is him in his first few weeks out of the hospital." We kept going through albums and halted after a little while before Yurio looked at Hiroko.

"Why aren't there any other pictures?" the mood became a little heavier as if it would start to rain anytime soon. Hiroko looked at us sadly, before she let a wistful smile appear on her face. Yurio had been right, sure the amount in pictures had been overwhelming but those had only been baby Yuri pictures and Yuri as of recently or at least when he had passed puberty.

Not that I could really tell since I just now found the real meaning behind Asian baby faces, it was a fearsome force to recon with.

"I see, well there was a slight accident so there aren't many pictures of Yuri after the age of three. They're all mostly gone, the ones I managed to save however weren't all that many…" It was a thin white album, hidden under a massive pile of bright colored books.

"Mari took these pictures with a Polaroid and all, if I'm right these pictures should be from around the time she decided to study photography in college. They're really great pictures if I have to say so myself, but these are for another time" Hiroko put back all the albums and made her way out of the room, letting the two figure skaters be.

However like some might say, curiosity killed the cat. Yurio simply stood up, grabbed the box again and opened the thin white album. "Yura, I don't mean to lecture you but you should really put it back."

Yurio being the teenager he was he ignored me and continued pry the album open, "I know you're just as curious yourself so I'm just going to go ahead without you." Growled Yurio as he flipped Victor the sacred finger.

Sighing in disapproval of myself for letting my curiosity take over I sat down next to Yura and looked on.

The first picture we were greeted by was Yuri sitting on his bed, nothing out of the ordinary except for one IV-drip connected to Yuri's arm. The next picture was Yuri, still lying in bed, this time his eyes wide open as he watched TV, the life in his eyes sparking ever so slightly.

Here and there some food pictures, silly pictures of Yuri messing around, festivals and so on. Nothing too bad really, they actually looked fairly normal. However there would be a place in the book where all color was drained, every single picture was the same, the same bed, the same room. There was however one thing changing every time, that was the look in his eyes. With passing time, his eyes became glazed over as he had probably shut out the world again.

I felt anxious, like something unpleasant would happen any time soon.

Yuri gazing out of a window, showing the horrifying bags underneath his eyes, chapped lips and wistful look on his young face. One could feel the raw emotion seeping out of the picture, the sorrow and the tear stained yellow parchment showed the reality of each passing day in the memories of those pictures.

Yurio dug with his nails in his palms which I gently pried open. "What the fuck is this?" Yurio looked at the albums all spread over the floor in confusion.

"He looked so dead…" Yura softly said, I silently nodded as Yura calmed down a bit.

"It's in the past, you should forget about it." Mari stood there, leaning against the door frame, cigarette between her lips as so slowly exhaled.

It could have been a trick of the light but I remember it clearly, the way Katsuki Mari stood there puffing out smoke from her mouth. She had a look of determination on her face, later on I asked her why she approached Yura and me that day. All she ever told me was, 'that's what one does for their family', while the smell of alcohol dragged itself around room.

Yura and I nodded and left it at that, it might have been cowardice looking back at it. How I came to regret so many things in my life is unimaginable.

My mind had been chaos ever since meeting Yuri, after seeing those pictures he just came to the bitter realization, Katsuki Yuri is someone he didn't know anything about. After spending six months adjoined to the hip I still didn't really know Katsuki Yuri.

His favorite color, his favorite band, nothing, he knew nothing about Yuri.

All that was left were regret and a bitter aftertaste.

What was he doing here in Japan? Victor felt too conflicted inside to think anymore, it was a cluster of raw emotion from sparks flying here and there to slowly feeling a nail digging into his heart.

Agonizing, that feeling when you just don't know anymore.

Pure agony.

* * *

I had come downstairs after recovering from a light flu and immediately went in a beeline towards both Victor and Yurio. However the moment our eyes made contact tension in the room had begun dripping slowly. Smothering every single living being with its heaviness.

Yura stood up and left as soon as he saw me, a glint of something alike to agitation flashing through his eyes. "Did something happen?" My eyes looked behind Victor to the hall where Yura had disappeared off to.

"He'll be alright, no need to think about it." I slowly nodded in understanding, but just couldn't shake off that feeling of uneasy. It was like a cloud was hanging above Hasetsu.

The sun had already set and it was almost time for dinner, I heard my stomach rumble in agreement as awkwardly laughed and rubbed my hand in a soothing motion over my belly. "Well.. seems like we could use some food, right Victor?" No reaction he only slightly nodded his head as he further avoided any contact with my eyes.

Unsettling, but I decided to just write it off as nothing. Dinner was silent even with my parents trying to crack up a joke or two, nobody really seemed in for it. I looked at mom and dad and immediately noticed their weary eyes.

Mom had lost some weight, even if it normally wouldn't be all that noticeable to the eye of a random stranger, I knew when they weren't doing well. Dad's wrinkles had once again increased on his forehead from frowning too much recently.

The slight clacking of the chopsticks against the bowls were after a while the only sounds filling the room. Yura had gone upstairs and didn't come down for any food, maybe I should bring him some food later.

I stiffed a yawn and stretched a little bit, thinking that tomorrow everything would be alright again I just headed off to my room without a single thought after that awkward dinner.

My muscles felt stiff on the mattress of my bed and laying down just didn't seem right at all. I turned and turned some more but never found a comfortable position so settled for this slight feeling of discomfort.

It was a sleepless night.

* * *

 **Victor realizes he knows nothing about Yuri upon discovering that even Yuri had his rough patches in his past, but he has no concrete idea what could have happened. What will happen from here on? What's wrong with Yuri and will Victor learn to come to terms that it takes more than being Victor skating god Nikiforov to make someone he actually cares about open up to him?**

 **I honestly have no clue what's going to happen either...**

 **Anyways hope you enjoyed that little chapter and till the next time,**

 **Shirotani out!**


	10. Chapter 8 - tempest

**Hello folks, it's been a while and I do apologize. Life hasn't been too easy on me, but I'm hanging in there. I'm honestly going to try to finish this story though, simply because:**

 **1\. I have got nothing to do since I'm excused from school activities etc.**

 **2\. This is quite therapeutically at times, ya know… torturing people is quite pleasing at times.**

 **So hopefully everyone will stick around and in this chapter there will finally be some development at last on the good note! So have fun reading dear spawns of Satan, g** **o make yourself comfortable underneath those blankets and get yourself some water or tea because self-care people lol.**

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

My throat burned, it felt raspy and the cold had seemed to have slipped through the multiple defensive layers of blankets. I lightly rubbed away the sleep in my eyes and allowed them to adjust to the room filled with the light of another day, a new morning, another day survived.

The red digits on my alarm which stood on the bedside flashed sharply 12.05 pm. I blinked once, then again, and thrice. It is 12 pm, 12 pm, 12…wait.

"It's past twelve?! No way, ah shit!" I quickly ripped the blankets of my body, shivering at the cold air brushing my bare arms. I quickly stood up and fell down as soon as I tried standing, pretty much like Bambi right after he was born.

"Well, the floor is cool I guess… Actually this is pretty nice." I rubbed my head on the floorboards and looked at the mess I had created within a mere 2.5 seconds after waking up, good job Yuri. Once again I tried to stand up, slowly this time. The trembling in my legs slowly stopping luckily.

Of to another great start of the day I'd say.

I combed my hand through my black hair and opened the curtains. As soon as I began even moving the slightest bit I could feel my muscles scream in protest, the smell of dust protruded my senses. It was fascinating how pain awakens, stimulates you might say your other senses, smell, sight, hearing and that simple fact made me feel slightly distorted.

'Ugh, this isn't how I expected my twenties to be like…eighties sure but this is a bit of an overkill.', I reached to my phone and looked if I had any missed messages.

There were none.

I scrolled through Instagram to see if anyone was even active or if I had any missed calls.

Once again, none.

I felt a slight pang in my chest as I slowly began to make my way downstairs, my head was throbbing and it felt like someone was hitting with a hammer at my temples, my body screamed in protest with every step.

Maybe a light cold? Oh well it didn't matter anymore. All what mattered was getting to the skating rink before Yurio and Victor might get real mad….

'Deep breaths and you'll be fine', I quickly stormed downstairs, grabbed my coat and made my way out, my head felt hot in the cold wind outside.

Running down the road, a real good warming up mind you, I slammed open the door to the Ice Castle and came running in with a dogeza to the booth. "I'm sorry for being late! Please forgive me!" really the last time I had come into a room in a dogeza was still in my high school days...those were some rather embarrassing days that I would rather not relive.

"You can just continue choosing your song. I'll help Yura with his choreography for today." Cold, his tone had been stone cold and dismissive. It was like he had shut me off from his world, he didn't turn to look at me.

His conversation had been one sided, short as if I had somehow angered the silver haired Adonis. Well of course I had come in late that day, but most of the times Victor wouldn't have cared about such matters.

That emptiness crept up again from the shadows as was threatening to swallow me whole.

I immediately noticed that the tension had grown back, not knowing the reason made me curious, yet at the same time I felt some sort of guilt gnawing on me. It was probably my fault again, I should leave him with Yurio for now.

'You're probably just overreacting Yuri, just go practice idiot.' I slapped my cheeks and dismissed these previous thoughts before resuming my warming-up.

It might have been the effect of my cold, but I had been delirious. A strange feeling locked into my stomach in a tight knot and I could already feel the cold sweat dripping from my temples.

Today was going to be a long day.

Before I had noticed it I had already sat down and grabbed my earbuds, plugging them in and opening my playlist. A normal routine as I played the list on shuffle and just looked at the practice in front of me.

.

.

He had known loneliness like an old friend and was not ready to embrace him again. Yet.

* * *

No inspiration came flowing in, even looking at Victor and Yurio skating didn't help. I had one job and was already shit at it bluntly. I probably didn't even know my theme for this year, it would be a miracle if I didn't turn bald from stress.

My finger lightly tapped the table as my lips quivered, hot, cold and hot again. Sweat pouring down my head more significantly than before this time.

'Ignore the headache, you can get through this, breathe in and out. In, out.' Finger pressing on random shuffle again as I continued playing song after song on and on.

Victor told me to entertain myself so I just grabbed the rink after Victor and Yurio left for a bit, I put the music on speaker and pointed my toe towards the place Victor had left. I heaved my arms in the sky and slid backwards, spiraling around the rink. Toe loop. Success. Loop. Success. And again, everything was perfect oh so perfect. The music dragged me deeper and deeper in this spiral as I twisted on my right leg crawling in like a ball.

 **Not perfect enough.**

I spun around some more and skated to the other half of the rink before twisting my upper body, landing perfectly. And finally I stopped, breathing ragged, chest heaving up and down rapidly. I couldn't hear anything anymore as adrenaline rushed through my system.

SNAP.

I fell to the ground. Leg spasming again. It hurt so much. It hurt so much. I cradled my leg to my chest and looked at my hands through my blurred vision, the music becoming haunting. All of the previous euphoria simply dispersing into nothingness.

"YOU USELESS FUCK, YOU FU- AAAAAAH WHY!? STUPID LEG FUCKING WORK JUST WORK, PLEASE. I'M BEGGING YOU PLEASE" a wail echoed through the empty rink, old demons creeping closer and closer.

It was the first time that I had lost my cool like this.

I hit it once, twice. I lost count. It didn't stop, it never did. Not until I could feel my leg again and then I once again realized, my time was running out. I put my head between my hands and hit the ice with my bare fists. The fists that became raw and angry from the cold and abuse on its skin.

An eternity passed before I blankly stared in front of me. I wiped away the wet remainder from my face and sat myself down on the bench at the side of the ice, slowly dozing off from exhaustion, after all, there is no better escape than that what's closest to death itself.

"Yuri, is something wrong? You look very pale right now and are sweating a lot." I felt myself being shaken awake. I opened my eyes to see Yurio putting back on his equipment and Victor standing right in front of me, not realizing how much time had passed.

* * *

"Yuri are you alright?" I questioned looking at the black haired skater in front of me. His skin was sickly pale, pasty and he was sweating a tad too much from simply skating. Yuri being Yuri however simply nodded and continued to play his music.

I snapped, I stepped off the ice and in a blind flurry stormed towards him. "Don't lie to me Katsuki Yuri." Like water at its boiling point, I was barely able to keep it all in. The anger, frustration and most of all disappointment.

'If anyone, I never expected you to be another liar too. So naïve, I'm so naïve.'

I was sure Yuri had felt my anger as he pulled his earbuds from his ears, still avoiding my gaze. It was only now that I grabbed him roughly by his collar and put my hand on his forehead before he could run away again like always in this past half a year.

"Victor, let go! I'm not sick!" Yuri struggled in my grasp pushing me away weakly, his eyes had gotten glazed and his cheeks had gotten flushed.

'How endearing, but now is not the time to flirt Victor.' I pinched my hand and looked at the blushing mess of a skater in front of me.

"Oh no, you're not running away Mr. ' I'm not better at all' . You're burning up! Why didn't you just stay in bed?!" In the end I did something which wasn't like me at all, I had screamed at someone and that someone being Yuri. If I had to tell him, I was feeling regretful for screaming at him and sorry, but this had to stop right now.

"That's it, I'm taking you back." I walked quickly to Yurio to tell him I would bring the fever delirious Yuri back home. Neither of us spoke, both simply too exhausted by this game of cat and mouse.

Taking Yuri back had been one hell of a task, at first he whined to me telling me he could perfectly function and still work. Second he kept tripping over his own feet, in the end I resorted to princess style carrying, but he didn't seem very fond of that manner as it was too embarrassing.

"You know what Yuri, you're being very troublesome today." I lightly pouted, slightly forgetting why I was even mad in the first place as I just carried him on my back.

At first he was protesting, but after a while he had quieted down significantly. He had been light as a feather in my arms and soft to touch. His soft breaths were somehow very calming and the way he held his arms around me in support was endearing if I had to give this feeling a name.

Yuri himself had been something new to me, it was refreshing and addicting.

He was an enigma.

The soft sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the sound of sand crunching underneath me. This moment had been ingrained into my memory.

I wonder if Yuri was thinking the same?

* * *

Really the way Victor handled me like I was made out of glass had angered me at first, but gradually after struggling in vain I had given up. He gave me a piggyback ride and with that we slowly made our way back home.

It was embarrassing, really a grown adult getting a piggyback ride… But after minutes of walking I decided to rest my head in the crook of his neck and just wrapped my arm around his shoulders in support. Slowly squeezing it gently.

This might be the first and the last time we'd be able to be like this after all.

Victor's body had been very warm and cozy. The way he wrapped his arms under me gave a feeling of reassurance. He held me gently, despite his coldness to me today, my soulmate was a man of many mysteries.

I kept wondering if he knew we were soulmates would he have been like this to me too? Or is he like this to anyone?

Soulmates weren't absolute, there are many people out there who's relationship just didn't work out with their soulmates. Victor could do the same to me, abandon me.

The sound of waves crashing against the shore, sand crunching under Victor's shoes and our silhouettes in the shadows. I could feel my heart threatening to explode, it was beating in a rapid way and I felt tingling in my stomach, like little butterflies as cheesy as it may sound.

I wonder what Victor was thinking about. I want to remember this forever, please God, at least give me this memory as a keepsake.

The walk seemed to be longer than usual and we finally arrived back home where nobody was strangely enough greeting us. Victor didn't seemed fazed by it and just brought me upstairs back to my room and softly set me down.

"I can still work." Victor looked sternly at me and sighed exasperated, "Yeah and I'm the queen of England…Yuri, why do you never think about your own health really." It wasn't a question, more like a statement that Victor himself had taken with much exasperation.

"Whether I take care of myself or not is none of your-" He slammed the desk next to my bed, his eyes were shadowed by his bangs, but the fact that he was clenching his hands didn't escape me. ''What it's none of my business? Is that what you're trying to say? Surely…-'' I could feel a sense of betrayal course to my soulmark as I looked up at the Russian man. Victor bit his lips as he reformed his sentence.

"As your….coach, I have every right to be worried about your condition." , he looked conflicted.

"That's no-", "That's exactly what you mean, Yuri!" he was panting heavily and I stared at him, eyes wide in shock.

'What can I do for you if you keep me out?' those exact words were at the tip of Victor's tongue, but he swallowed them, unsure about what to say now he was driven by pure anger. His hands were shaking and his voice trembled.

I couldn't say anything in return.

The silence painstakingly continued.

"You know, your mom showed some pictures of when you were younger. I saw you in a hospital bed, surrounded by all types of machines… So when were you going to tell me?"

"Why is it that I know almost nothing about you, Yuri?" he was getting desperate and here I was in a state of shock. My head was a big mushy mess whenever I was with this man, he could make me lose rationality. Make me lose any senses.

He sat down on the bed, head between his hands.

I wanted to rely on him.

 **Liar**

I looked down at the ground, my vision became cloudy as warm drops of water made it out of my eyes.

Like a tap had broken, viciously broken open.

"I don't want you to see such another pathetic version of me..." I couldn't tell him.

"Why would I ever think of you as pathetic, do you really think of me as such a horrible person who would think of such things?" he looked hurt, a look of betrayal flashing across his face.

"No! That's not-!" He was better than me in everything and I am just….I'm just me.

I wanted to let everything out, every single thought, I wanted to confess everything to him. Only my conscious part of myself stopped me, he wiped away my tears. He looked me in the eyes and kissed my forehead.

He looked me in the eyes with his ocean eyes, so deep I'd drown in them.

Even though I said no more, I was pretty sure he had understood already. I yearned for more. I needed him. It felt so right, but I couldn't let it go on.

"Please don't give me any false hope." I begged him, even if I knew we were both in the wrong he grabbed me by my chin and made me look right into his eyes.

"Is this alright?" my breath stilled, then I gave in. Just for now let me enjoy this, I'm too weak to say no to him. I can't say no, not to him, only him.

He kissed my forehead, then my knuckles one by one as I stared at him, it felt all too surrealistic. He then made his way over to me, leaning over slightly.

Proceeded to lightly trail my neck with little butterfly kisses, making me shudder at every little sensation I felt, every little touch felt like electricity. Light butterfly kisses on my nape and slender arms gently holding my sides.

His tongue slid across my nape as we both let out a shuddering breath. He continued to mark my neck as I relished in the physical contact, lightly moaning possibly, I couldn't keep up with what was happening anymore in favor of grasping the owner of those ocean blue eyes.

He kissed my nose after leaving my abused nape and made his way over to my face till we were mere millimeters apart. He lightly pressed his lips on mine as I grabbed onto his shirt, fingers trembling.

Before I knew it his tongue slide across my lips as I granted him full entrance, the kiss was sweet and intoxicating. You might have called it bitter sweet. Our legs tangled as I slid my hands into his hair and his tongue did the work, letting out small gasps as we went on.

Time had seemed to stop for this sole moment of bliss. Slowly running out of air between the gentle, affectionate kisses we let go. His long eyelashes brushing against my skin, I looked at him breathlessly, at his slightly disheveled form.

We both knew the question that lingered. Was this meant to be or just another fling?

Slowly, as be both ran out of air I opened my eyes and he released his hold on me.

The bed creaked as Victor stood up, "I'm going back to the rink so go get some sleep.", I couldn't see what kind of face he was making. He was one step away, but somehow the feeling that if I let him go right now he might never return started overwhelming me. Before my mind progressed what had happened I had reached out to grab the hem of his shirt, making him stop.

"Yuri?", 'it wasn't meant to be, stop being such an idiot Katsuki', I berated myself.

And like that we just stood there for who knows how long until Victor managed to surprise me once more. He slightly rolled my to the other side of the bed and sat down, down on the very same spot next to me.

He caressed my hair gently through his fingers, still not looking at me.

The smell of pine trees. It was intoxicating.

Our legs tangled together, his ankles touching mine, his soft breath against my neck and his soft strands of hair caressing my face. Memories repeating themselves over and over in my mind-palace.

I can't sleep like this, simply because it felt like my heart might explode again for the up teemed time today.

'Please, just for today, even if this meant nothing to you, don't leave me for now.' I silently begged.

"I won't leave you, so go on and sleep." He assured me

Silver hair fell onto Yuri's face as Victor removed Yuri's glasses, lingering a moment. Staring at his seemingly relaxed face.  
He rubbed his neck and murmured.

.

.

.

"Why do you do this to me?"

* * *

 **Soooo finally some romantic development! It was about time I can tell ya. There are some points however that I think are quite important to once again state for those who didn't catch up on some parts.**

 **1\. Victor ad Yuri made their first move, but Victor is still unsure about what is could be feeling, yes there is a valid reason for this and no I didn't make him dense, he obviously can see what Yuri feels for him and decides to just play along. At the moment you might as well say Victor is playing with Yuri's feelings in multiple ways which will be explained later.**

 **2\. No they're not in an relationship, nothing has been said on both sides as they were too busy... well uh...canoodling?**

 **3\. Those terrible comments either Yuri or Victor keep hearing are basically their inner voices, you know what they say "your worst enemy is you yourself."**

 **4\. Yuri is ill, it is no surprise but I'm trying to keep his condition a secret for a while just to spite my dear readers.**

 **5\. Yuri and Victor obviously have some (mental) issues. Yes, Yuri experiences panic attacks, these vary from spacing out to full out hyperventilating and anger outbursts as panic attacks simply aren't easily defined or noticeable at times. Hopefully this won't offend anyone as I'm writing a bit based on my own experiences lol...**

 **Anyways hope you enjoyed and if you guys have any other questions go ahead, see you guys next chapter!**


	11. Chapter 9 - John, my beloved

**Hello folks! It's been awhile again, was in Berlin for a week on a school trip with no laptop so here is my reason... (fun fact, me and my friends got stopped by the cops in Berlin... so here's some karma for not updating apparently) Also finally saw Love Simon in the cinema! The Netherlands are really slow with translating these type of movies but it was so fucking good, 10/10 would recommend.**

 **Anyways like always, go snuggle into your blanket fortress, close the doors, dim those lights because it's time for some good ol' drama and angst!**

 **Enjoy :)**

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

"I'm sorry I can't come to see you off at the airport today Yurio. I packed you some lunch and here is some candy that you can share in Russia with your friends and-" Today was the last day of Yurio's four month stay in Hasetsu. He's going back to Russia so he can actually start preparing for the GP with Victor's ex-coach, Yakov. Yakov was a stern man with a constipated face, that's at least what I remember from past interviews that I used to watch on the TV when I was younger. According to Victor he actually had quite a soft heart even if the man wouldn't admit it himself.

"Alright, alright, I got it Katsudon. Anyways don't slack off 'cause I'm definitely going to beat you the next time we meet." He pointed his pale finger at me and looked me in the eyes with some sort of feral vibe that was one of Yurio's trademark snarls.

I didn't know why but I could already feel myself missing him the moment I saw that panther print suitcase, again obviously courtesy of Russia's Ice Tiger.

Yurio grabbed the handle of his suitcase and put on his sunglasses before tucking his hair underneath his hoodie, "See you at the finals." As he lightly waved before turning quickly walking to the baby blue car.

"….Yeah" I had been left speechless after that slightly embarrassing statement and simply watched him jump in the car. Victor popped the lid of the trunk and put all of the blond's possessions in it before closing the trunk again. The car, it was quite an old model but still functioning properly enough to drive in it all the way to the airport. Dad hadn't been using it a lot as he got older and started preferring staying at home somewhat more.

"Yeah, see you at the finals!" I waved my hands at both of them as I looked at the squirming blushing mess of a teenager that the infamous Ice Tiger had become. Truly, I would have considered adopting the boy if it hadn't been for the fact that I am terrible at taking care of myself, let alone a living human being.

"Fucking gas it old man!", "Eeeeh?! Old man, wait Yurio!" before Victor could even say anything in return Yurio had violently kicked against the gas pedal making them almost crash into a tree if it hadn't been for Victor's amazing driving skills.

...This ride was going to turn into a possible real life version of fast and furious, I could only pray for Victor that he wouldn't die of a heart attack.

I silently saluted both men not expecting them both to last long enough if Yurio pulled another one of his tricks he had learned from those fast and furious movies…. we should've never let him watch them. Note to my future self, don't watch violent movies with Yurio again as they will become a bad influence on the little kitten.

"Why do I already regret everything?", in that one moment Victor had begun contemplating about his life and where he went wrong before just driving away, leaving his funeral planning to someone else. 'Well, it's fine as long as they don't hold my funeral in a church...'

The planning had been for Victor to accompany Yurio to the airport and see him there off while I would just stay here in Hasetsu for some 'business', business as I had told both skaters was another doctor's appointment, although I was pretty sure there was no saving my legs anymore it was still important to go.

It was exactly 12 pm and I had my appointment in about an hour, meanwhile I could probably look for my skating theme this season and finally pick a songs. That was most likely top priority number one. Honestly, I wondered how all the other skaters decided on their songs so easily, but then I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a picky person. I'd probably been that way my entire life, unexpectedly.

"Really, I'm going to miss him… a bit, just a bit" thoughts began wandering, from the blond boy to the Russian god. After the whole fever induced state of mine and the drama surrounding it everything had strangely enough returned to normal quite quickly with just the occasional lingering gaze of Victor after 'that' day. Yurio and Victor began talking to me again and we simply continued practicing on the ice, here and then some small talk but nothing special in general. This made time somehow move faster than anticipated and before I had realized it. In a way it felt like procrastinating something, maybe GP training, the soulmark situation possibly.

I started sweating profusely, yeah the soulmark thing. So either Victor and I were meant to be together or not. Maybe I should ask the doctor about my soulmark…with the weird stuff happening to it and all. God I couldn't believe how calm I was.

Pushing every other problem into the back of my mind I stared at what was more important at the given time, something with an actual deadline quite ironically. I had about 3 months left before the nationals, this was my chance to prove myself once again since I had failed really badly after last year's GPF. And once again, I'd be lying if I told anyone that it wasn't pretty freaking traumatizing in a way.

"Alright! Let's do this!" I slapped his face twice and sat down with my signature notebook opened, drinks on the table and an alarm set for an hour.

I started staring of into the distance as I plugged in his earbuds and started listening to a variety of songs, different types of genres playing from time to time. From classic, to rock, pop, hell even rap music. Though I really didn't want to skate on rap because of the absurd fast pace involved with it most of the times and explicit use of language at times.

The thought of having to choose out of one of the many songs was thrilling. The ability to choose a number gave me a bit of control for once, but with control came responsibility equaling a bigger risk of failure. Yes, I definitely wasn't overthinking everything for the umpteenth time today.

The sound of a typical IPhone alarm blared through the distance as it had turned 1pm, time for Yuri's doctor's appointment. He grabbed his coat that was draped over the chair next to him and grabbed his keys, silently leaving the house with the only sound being the sound of the door being shut.

So I have an appointment with Shimada-sensei first, then probably need to go to the pharmacy and afterwards I should just go skate for a little while maybe. After all Victor would return around midnight since Yurio's plane would start boarding at 8pm and airports were a hassle or as Yurio would like to say a pain in the ass regarding boarding.

"Fuck I'm going to be late!" wait did I just swear? Oh god, I think Yurio is wearing of on me.

 **Meanwhile somewhere at the edge of Hasetsu on the roads.**

In the car where both Yurio and Victor seated and on their way towards the airport, Yura was clad in all panther print talking to Victor. "Hachoo! Ugh, a cold?" Victor looked at Yurio excitedly, "Did you know, Yuri told me if you sneeze that means someone is either talking or thinking about you!" obviously Yurio being Yurio didn't believe in this bullshit and just ignored Victor while he kept rambling on and on about how cute Yuri was.

 **Back to Yuri the actual main protagonist…**

I decided to make a run for it since I had to be at the appointment within five minutes and luckily I had made it. An enormous white building surrounded by trees, the door automatically slid open and I just let myself in to register once again at the reception.

"Hello, yes Shimada-sensei is waiting at his room 30 today instead of his usual office, Katsuki-san." I nodded and thanked the nurse, she seemed fairly young, around her twenties. She gave me a wide smile and then registered me into the hospital databank again.

The room was white pristine and smelled like antiseptics and the type of alcohol you use when trying to disinfect wounds with. A smell I had been very familiar with, yet held no connection to at all. I lightly pushed the button and with a light ding the elevator went down several floors before reaching me. I stepped into the metal box and went to the third floor. Here and there were some people stepping into the elevator and some getting off, but none of them stopped on floor three strangely enough.

Upon finally hearing that last ding signaling that I had reached my floor did I notice. My heart rate decreased, lights in the hallways seemed dimmer than usual. A weird calm took over.

Knocking three time before opening the door.

This movement had been ingrained into my body, three times knocking to be polite and then enter the room. The ice cold doorknob sent shivers into my body, I turned the knob and Shimada-sensei seemed to have been waiting for me with a cup of coffee.

"Ah, there you are Yuri. Come sit down, got you your usual black with sugar." Shimada-sensei looked at me while I began sipping on the rather terrible drink with weary eyes. The usual spark inside them still remained, but had also significantly died down over the years.

"The coffee sure hasn't improved over the years right?" Shimada grinned at me noticing my light disgust at the drink in my hands.

"Same like usual." I grinned at the man as we finally got back to business.

"Well, I guess I should start with your prognosis just for the sake of refreshing once again, right?" I nodded insecurely and just awkwardly began to fidget with the mug in my hands. The mug was warm from the coffee in contrast to the room.

I honestly preferred Shimada sensei's office compared to this foreign white box.

"Okay, well I take it you've read the letter, but the test results were positive. Meaning that your body has started producing several types of antibodies. I won't go into detail which types mostly since these antibodies are just being made randomly since your body doesn't know what to do to anymore, it's a randomly activated defense mechanism as I would like to say." He looked at me trying to look if I was following and of course I had been. It was nothing new, but just in case, follow the same procedure like always, a routine unavoidable for all doctors alike.

"So… we can say that your CP has developed in a way we didn't expect it to..." CP, short for Cerebral palsy. As of right now CP is known for being a muscle deficiency syndrome, making all muscles just stop functioning in worst cases, although this option had been crossed out years ago due to previous treatments, putting a brake on my condition.

Shimada took a pained breath, a sigh of sorts. Words wanting to leave his lips but yet at the same time stubbornly refusing to. "…Yuri, have you ever thought about quitting ice skating? I mean, I know how much it means to you, but we could still try to recover your state. After all, you of all people should understand the risks better than anyone else."

Shimada-sensei had been right I should've known better than anyone else.

How it hurt every morning, not being able to wake up, vomiting, fevers hell it got even worse. Worst case scenario was me losing the ability to move around freely, goodbye use of any limbs.

But I knew, he was hiding something. Something more.

My eyes slowly batted down and an air of acceptance surrounded me through the sun lit doctor's office. "you haven't told me everything, please I need to know."

As opposed to what others believed, I have experienced my doctor being a human being more often than not and this one was quite the cry baby at times. I remember him crying for me when I could not, him being there for me when my parents could not. It was unprofessional some might say, but it always made me feel somewhat better, cared for.

Shimada took a quivering breath before giving me a bitter chuckle. "It's a bit problematic knowing that my favorite patient knows me so well."

It was silent until he gathered some of his other papers from another file safely stored away in one of the many drawers in his desk.

"What you have is known as CP, you got treated in the past, which basically put a brake on the entire process of your body attacking itself…" If it was possible, Shimada seemed to have aged considerably within a mere seconds and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Look as it is right now your body might hold on for another half an year, more or less I'm not entirely sure." I knew he was hiding something.

"So, I'll be paralyzed in half a year?", my hands froze in my lap, eyes slowly seeking those of the man on my opposite. However I felt my whole body shake as I saw a new found emotion on his face, anguish.

"No…within possibly half a year you- no your organs will most likely give up on you due to your condition. I'm sorry, Yuri. I'm so, so sorry. Your CP has developed somehow when we weren't paying attention into CPA… There's no cure for it with today's technology, I'm so sorry." CPA had multiple side effects, in a way that CP just sounded like a mere cold to some. CPA of course gave muscle malfunctioning, but these malfunctions were on an entire new level. I had done some research in the past on this topic, fate had its twisted ways. And I was it's little play thing.

"So. I will die in half a year?" instead of a question it turned more into a statement.

"More or less, you might live longer or less depending on how your body decides to progress." Shimada looked sourly at the coffee on his desk, it really did suck. Both the coffee and the results, yet I felt oddly detached.

However this was real. A real certified doctor sitting right in front of me with papers to prove everything.

"Everyone processes news differently, so take your time Yuri." he put a hand on my shoulder as he was trying to calm me down as I stared at my hands as if something was wrong with them. The skin looked fine, pale but fine. Underneath it all I knew, everything was anything but fine.

I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to tell him how disgusted I felt as I had already felt a form of acceptance, resignation.

The sound a phone buzzing a few times snapped me out of my train of thoughts. I looked at my phone and opened the messages with the doctor standing behind me, looking over my shoulder.

"Shit, Victor." 15 missed messages from Victor just updating me about the ride, I couldn't bear looking at this little piece of hope.

"Victor? As in the one you always were gushing about when you were younger?" a mournful look adorned the doctor's face as he looked at my phone over my shoulder with me. I nodded numbly.

"So are the two of you dating yet?" the man leaned forward eyes filled with mischief obviously trying to change subjects. But I didn't mind, not this time.. "W-well it's complicated", the old man gave a knowing tight smile as he pat my back, as if reminiscing about his past. With this the tense mood between the two of us had slightly broken, not entirely, but breathable.

"I remember being just like you when I met my partner, he sure was one hell of a strange guy haha. But really, it is easier than you'd think." I looked at Shimada-sensei in understanding, those pictures of the relatively young man on his desk his soulmate, no matter what office he always took that picture with him.

"Him?" Shimada-sensei hummed lightly. "But enough about me, aren't you in love with this him, Yuri?" what was this man saying? Even as a doctor I must say he was daring. I had never thought this far ahead, what had I wanted to achieve with Victor, I knew he was my soulmate, but that was it. I stood no chance.

"Well, I don't know...It's probably just the mark speaking and he probably wouldn't love me knowing I'm like 'this'" I said gesturing to my body.

"Well, let me ask you this.", "What are you going on abou-" he held his hand in front of my mouth as I stared at him.

"Look, you've spent almost your entire life either here in the hospital or on the rink and it really is easier than you'd think", I nodded slightly final giving in and looked at the older man before me in confusion whilst sighing exasperated.

"Does he make you unbelievably happy?" I nodded at him without a shred of doubt, he was the epitome of light itself the Russian skater. "That's all you need, Yuri." I hesitated, but then nodded once again, that familiar dull throbbing, beating of the heart in an ungodly pace slowly returning.

After that he smiled softly at me and pet my hair like a second father. "That's what we humans call love. I'm pretty sure you already have known for a while, but accepting it is something entirely different you know? Happiness comes in many forms, but I'm sure you can tell by the one apart from the other right? " It had taken me a moment, but after thinking for such long time it had finally made sense.

"But what if the soulma-" once again he stopped me, strangely enough not getting tired of the way I kept denying my feelings.

"Soulmark or not, a soulmark only serves as a way to connect you through your feelings, friendship is possible through a soulmark. But in reality it just serves as a bond. Did you actually pay all that much attention to his and your soulmarks before being so vested in him?" Before I realized it I let it slip "something weird is going on with mine though, my soulmark." Shimada looked at me surprised and gesturing to look at it while we continued our conversation.

"I'm sick and he doesn't deserv-" before I could finish my sentence I got cut off again with a frown. ''What do you mean don't deserve? Yuri, he himself can decide whether you deserve to be with him, don't go getting your own strange ideas in your head now. You're a wonderful kid and I think Victor thinks the same of you. I know it can be frightening, from adoring him and looking up to him to being soulmates, but there was a reason as to why all of this happened. In a way, all of this is fate."

Well fuck it I realized.

I am in love with Victor, no I don't know exactly when it all started, but I had fallen heavily.

 **Victor Nikiforov, I have fallen in love with you.**

Surely it was alright to just love him right? I could love him right? If not only from a distance.

"I'm sorry, but I cannot give up on skating not now." Really, the words came out before I could think about them, the only way I could hang onto Victor was through skating. I didn't want to let go yet, so please let me be just even a little more selfishly.

It was silent, but after a while Shimada-sensei just sighed and looked at me finally in understanding. "It's alright I suppose, just live your life. I'll give you your prescription, these should stop any side effects from showing and the usual. So keep on fighting Yuri, I would love to see you get gold, possibly defying all odds."

My face turned red in embarrassment, "Thank you, I'll try. But one thing... Could you maybe keep it a secret from everyone, everything I mean."

"Yuri, you know how I think about this as your doctor for over twenty years." I knew he disapproved deep inside when he sighed I felt a knot in my stomach tighten. "Just don't keep everything to yourself, it isn't healthy keeping it all bottled up."

"I know, but that's just who I am isn't that right?" I smiled softly at the man who had known me for a majority of my life. He lightly slapped my back and pulled down my shirt again.

"Just come by at least once a week so I can check up on your process. As for the soulmark situation, it's actually more common than you'd think. It usually happens when something that might change your relationship will happen or has happened. Don't worry too much about it." I nodded feeling slightly relieved. I didn't feel as conflicted as before, part of my feelings had finally been sorted out and I knew what I wanted to do with this limited time. This ticking time bomb that was my body was going to count the days till my goal had to succeed.

"Then, I wish you the best of luck Katsuki Yuri."

 **In the office of Shimada Omake**

"Oh how much I miss you, it seems like an eternity since I have last seen you." Shimada held the picture that had been put in a frame in his hands and looked at it. Tears slowly dropping from his eyes. "So long, I wish I could just join you already. But there are more patients like Yuri who need me, right darling?"

There were many things nobody knew about Shimada in all honesty. There had been only one person and that person wasn't with him anymore.

"Shimada-sensei? Your husband is here to see you!" A nurse notified the doctor who turned around like a love sick puppy. A blond haired fair beauty had entered the office with some bags in his hands. "Shin? I've brought you your bento!" Before the blond male could register what had happened he had been raised into the air and was spun around several times.

"My love! I've missed you so much! Never leave me alone again!" the nurses stood outside at the door slightly out of breath and pinching their noses, all swooning at the sight in front of them. "This is the reason why I've been working here for the past 15 years." All other nurses agreed and handed each other some tissues as Rin was still being spun around the air his laugh resounding through the office.

"But I just saw you this morning Shin! Stop it tickles haha!" and that's how Shimada-sensei's office turned into a pink flower field, enough to make the Marukawa shoujo-manga department even jealous.

* * *

 **Yuri is dying?! I'm so shocked... *hides smirk behind hand***

 **Yuri's illness is not exactly accurate so if I'm offending people sorry again... Anyways Yuri figured out the feelings he had been actually denying all this time :) Some bloody progress finally whoo! Sorry if it was so freaking cheesy BTW, I know it was since I'm lactose intolerant and that scene gave me a massive** **stomach ache** **lol...**

 **Hope you guys enjoyed that little omake haha I hate my sense of non-existent humor. BTW I got some stuff hidden in the story which gives the story more meaning so gl finding it, I'll spoil it next chapter though. The person who guesses it right wins a virtual cookie ;)**

 **Anyways leave a comment or whatever and see y'all next time, buh bye.**

 **Shirotani out!**


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